I'm having a bit of trouble starting my supplement essay for CALS. The question is how have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?
So far I have this, but I'm not even sure if this would make a good essay
While most high school students have become inspired after watching a loved one suffer, I have been inspired with my own dealings with pain. Chronic migraines, according to a report done by the Migraine Research Foundations, affect about 2% for the U.S. population. Being part of that 2% has inspired me to study biology.
Ok here's the updated essay, ideas to improve?:
While most high school students have become inspired after watching a loved one suffer, I have been inspired with my own dealings with pain. Chronic migraines, according to a report done by the Migraine Research Foundations, affect about 2% for the U.S. population. Being part of that 2% has inspired me to study biology, and eventually medicine.
I have always had a high tolerance for pain, and a daily pain has been no exception. However, while most of my friends were relaxing after school, I spent a good portion of my high school years visiting different doctors. What started out with one doctor, soon turned into several. With every doctor I saw came new medications to try, new therapies, and the same speech about my menstrual cycle. However, which each new treatment came no relief or another health problem. This in turned led me to new doctors. Eventually, each doctor has given me the same answer, consisting of "I don't know why you are suffering so much" and "I don't know what else to do". Walking out of each of those appointments, I have told my mom that if they can't figure out what to do with me, then I will figure it out myself.
With each day of pain, I push myself even more to fulfill my desire to study biology and medicine, not only to help myself, but every other person who suffers. In order to achieve this goal, I believe that the College of Agricultural and Life Sciences at Cornell University is the perfect place for me to develop and purse my goals.
Unique essay!
However, with each new doctor came no relief or another health problem.
I don't get what you are trying to say here.
Also, you sound a little bit like you are blaming the doctors and you think they are useless. They have tried their best to cure you, right? Maybe you should say that we need to further develop biology and medicine to cure certain diseases and you're willing to spend your life furthering that development.
This is just my opinion, hope it helps:)
