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"Inspiring others" University of Florida - Application Essay


dstrogiy 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2010   #1
Any advice would be appreciated ;)

I have been drawing on everything around me since I was nine. At times, our Russian condo looked like an art gallery. I even painted my desk and walls in the living room (needless to say, my parents weren't too happy). Gradually, the interest in drawing grew into passion, and a couple of years ago I had an idea of pursuing a career of graphic designer. I started my own web design business and I feel that this decision has changed my whole life.

after edits:
I was born in Russia only a couple years after the Soviet Union dissolved. At that time, Russia's lack of aesthetics was utterly ubiquitous. The contrast between Soviet concrete gray walls with the colorful grand churches and palaces of past helped me to realize that there was a need for change. I decided I wanted to bring more of old Russia, such as St. Isaac's Cathedral to other people.

I have been drawing on everything around me since I was nine. At times, our condominium looked like an art gallery. I even covered my desk and the walls of the living room with pencil drawings (needless to say, my parents weren't too happy). At the age of thirteen I started my own web design business. I feel that this decision has changed my life.

I moved to US about three years ago. It was not easy to find my first client and the fact that English is not my first language made it even harder. I attacked this barrier with tenacity and successfully got my first order. As time went by, my online business grew and the more I learned about art and design, the more I wanted to create. It took me four years and hundreds of various design projects to realize that design is something that I excel at. I could not have been happier when my first articles got published in two consecutive issues of Web Designer, which is one of the leading art and web development magazines.

By the end of last year, I knew that I want to pursue a career of a graphic designer and that decision becomes stronger every day. Every day I get inspired by great designers, such as Mark Weaver and Jay Hollywood, and I strive to produce work at their level, or even better. Constant drive for improvement, passion and dedication to my work - that's what keeps me going. Having my own business truly made me independent and self-reliant, and I am looking forward to use these qualities academically. I want to become a great artist, so I can teach and inspire others. I feel that University of Florida will help me serve my purpose.
eddiem 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2010   #2
It was not easy to find my first client, and being a foreigner did not help.

I attacked the language barrier with fervency and successfully got my first order.
This sentence is a little awkward. "fervency" implies passion, while I think you're going for more "tenacity."

As time went by, my online business grew and I the more I learned about art and design, the more I wanted to create. It took me four years and hundreds of various design projects to realize that design is something that I excel at. I could not have been happier when my first article got published in one of the leading (which one?) web design magazines.

Also, since most of the essay is contraction free, I'd take out the "weren't" in your parentheses in the first paragraph. The essay is really sincere :)
OP dstrogiy 1 / 1  
Oct 31, 2010   #3
Thank you for the tips! :) Here's the last one.
FEEDBACK WOULD BE AWESOME, SUBMITTING IT TOMORROW
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 8, 2010   #4
and I strive to produce work at their level, or even better .

I don't mean to suggest that you cannot be better... just that this part of the essay will be stronger without that little phrase tacked on.

I decided I wanted to bring more of old Russia, such as St. Isaac's Cathedral to other people. -----This seems to be a theme, but you never mention it again in the rest of the essay.

Anyway, I know you already submitted this... it is impressive! I am just giving my comments, for whatever they are worth.


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