I like it, very good job. Two sentences, however, sounded a little peculiar to me. The first
The cultural and intellectual diversity of the student body, from Romania to Hong Kong, from economists to astrophysicists, shall, to me, foster cultural acceptance, allowing me to easily fit in
This phrase is little awkward, maybe you can replace it with 'will'. The second
The endless options of over 500 clubs and organizations will provide outlet to help be involved and makes a difference in the community as well as a boundless source for making new connections with new friends, not to mention the variety of organizations of political activism and student government, something that is my core passion.
This is a bit of a run off, maybe you should consider breaking it down into two.
Good luck, I hope I helped.