purple92 3 / 6 Dec 26, 2008 #1Hi I could really use some help/ ideasThis is the idea that I would like to convey, does it make sense and read well?My biggest problem is that the word limit is 150!During our Mid-State Fair, you could find me down at the fairgrounds at 7:30 in the morning cranking open the Dip-N-Dots booth, balancing the receipts, and donning my fluorescent green hat to serve flash frozen ice creams. But my independence was worth it. I couldn't however pass up the opportunity when two upstanding vendors offered me jobs.At 1:15 I would go running through the crowd of fair goers pulling on a Pizzeria apron.I applied myself diligently to both jobs: coming in early and cleaning up my co-worker's messes. At Dip-N-Dots I was soon rewarded, I was promoted to Manager, the pay was the same, but I had more responsibility and often had personal conversations with the boss about how to manage a business. At the Pizzeria however all of my effort was ignored- I would go to other booths and translate and offer to stay and close, but none of this seemed valuable to the owner. As the fair came to a close I saw the owner having a conversation with the cooks; he was offering to pay them by the day instead of by the hour. It was no business of mine, but when I calculated the two wages I saw that he was cheating them out of their money. That day the boss came up to me and was complaining about how annoying the summer work season was, I just nodded and went back to work. The next time I spoke to him was when I came to pick up my pay check; I was content with what I had earned during those weeks and was proud of my effort regardless of his recognition. While I waited the owner pulled me aside and offered me a job at his restaurant in town. My first thought was victory; he did value my work. But, I respectfully declined his offer. I had learned perseverance, but I had had experience with that lesson before. Mostly I learned that the motivation behind your actions is important.
OP purple92 3 / 6 Dec 26, 2008 #2sorry it should say "couldn't however pass up"does the integrety lesson at the end make sense? I was WAY out of words so I didn't offer any more explination...
imike 3 / 20 Dec 26, 2008 #3At, the Pizzeria however all of my effort was ignored --- The comma should be removedyou focused on the work well, but not on the integrity portionyou have to be able to develop that in fewer wordsi do see where you are going but you have to make the connections stronger