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Essay on an intellectual pursuit exemplified in a craft!


Gabbyy37 2 / 8  
Aug 21, 2010   #1
Here is the prompt:
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Please give me your honest opinions and feedback! Tear it apar if you must! Thank you :)

The art of evoking potent emotion through effective wording requires practice, persistence, and passion. All of these qualities are ones which I assiduously use through my daily commitment to mastering the English language, which is a goal I vigorously strive to achieve. For years, I have adamantly pursued and wholeheartedly devoted myself to the enriching world of writing, as I continuously pour all of my efforts into this artful craft. The familiarly welcoming appearance of black text effortlessly flowing over a white canvas is one which I have immersed myself in from a young age, as the worlds which were so intricately created by infamous writers have left everlasting impressions upon the person I am today.

At a young age, learning to read was a tremendous struggle as others began to severely doubt the degree of my success at accurately reiterating the foreign words before me as I desperately desired to understand their meaning. After several months of persistent practice, I succeeded in reading my first book, authored by Dr. Seuss, immediately transfixed by his poetic wording and fantastical creations which so vividly leaped off the page. Even since that time I have read voraciously and written incessantly all while continuously asking teachers, adults, and friends for constructive feedback and advice on my writing. This long process has helped me immensely as I constantly gain new knowledge on how to improve, how to excel. I remember entering my first poetry contest, my first short story contest, and the sense of accomplishment when I won each, the sense of accomplishment of not only being able to read, but effectively write.

I find myself continuously growing through this expressive art as it has effectively allowed me to incessantly gain a plethora of knowledge pertaining to the person I am as well as the world around me through universal themes, through parallel worlds, through tragic character flaws, through incredibly innovative plots. Even in the literary works of those which I so greatly admire, my morals, customs, and character developed from the enlightening knowledge which elicited within the enthralling pages of such respected novels. I have learned countless lessons through Beowulf's incomparable determination, through Elizabeth Bennett's unjust prejudices, through Frankenstein's obsessive pursuit of knowledge. Literature has taught me, writing has shaped me.

Therefore my intellect, my values, my character, has been intricately fused through this one driving desire, this one vehement passion. Through this, I am able to reach out, to influence, to excel, as I direct this form of expression into brazenly accomplishing what the infamous works of others have done for me; to allow others to think past the ubiquitous opinions of the world which surround them, to allow others to examine the world through various divergent perspectives, to allow one to embark upon the perpetual pursuit of self growth, to allow one to find the inextinguishable passion for something which ardently consumes them and causes them to leave a memorable impression upon the world.
greengrl247 1 / 11  
Aug 22, 2010   #2
I love the way you articulate yourself especially in the 2nd to last sentence of your 2nd paragraph. However, behind all the imagery of your response I feel like there is not much substance concerning specifics. I think you should provide more specifics from your life instead of being so vague. Likee int the following you say : For years, I have adamantly pursued and wholeheartedly devoted myself to the enriching world of writing, as I continuously pour all of my efforts into this artful craft. However, you do not give an example of how you have pursued and devoted yourself to writing. If you just give more specifics underneath all that rhetoric you will have a great essay!
OP Gabbyy37 2 / 8  
Aug 22, 2010   #3
Thank you! Okay, I will definitely do that then. I'll make it much more specific with more substance and repost the final draft here :). Thanks again, I knew there was something that was lacking.
OP Gabbyy37 2 / 8  
Aug 22, 2010   #4
Revised version!
greengrl247 1 / 11  
Aug 23, 2010   #5
WOW! I love it! I just caught one little thing which I might be wrong about, so I would double check if I were you, but in the following sentence: "This long process has helped me immensely as I constantly gain new knowledge on how to improve, how to excel." I like how you write "how to excel" at the end but should you put a dash before it instead of a comma? I might be wrong, however I would double check if that punctuation is right or not. Other than that it is great!

I hope I helped!

-Trisha
PS: Do you mind taking a look at my NYU supplement?
OP Gabbyy37 2 / 8  
Aug 23, 2010   #6
Ahh thank you :))!! Thanks so much for the help!!
Hmmmm I'll check that out, I might ask my English teacher just in case :). Thanks for bringing it to my attention though.

And i'll gladly help you with yours! I'll go read it now.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 23, 2010   #7
Okay, in the first sentence all those adjectives were not too bad. But when you get to hear you have given to many modifiers...---> For years, I have adamantly pursued and wholeheartedly devoted myself to the enriching world of writing, as and I continuously pour all of my efforts into this art.

I am glad you are a writer. I recommend Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

Therefore my intellect, my values, my character, has been intricately fused through this one driving desire, this passion. vehement

Therefore my intellect, my values, and my character, have been intricately fused ...

:-)
OP Gabbyy37 2 / 8  
Aug 23, 2010   #8
I'll tone it down on the modifiers! Thank you, I'll fix those errors immediately.

Also, I'll definitely look into that book!


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