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"intellectual vitality" - Stanford Admission Essays.


Collegehopefull 2 / 5  
Oct 18, 2009   #1
I'm applying to Stanford this year and I need some feedback on my essays. Any constructive criticism, comments, edits, etc. would be a life saver. Thank you so much! (If you're a Stanford applicant please don't try and use my essays)

Here is my first essay:

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I discovered that John Milton and I are soul mates. In my AP Literature class, my teacher assigned us to read book one of Paradise Lost. On the day it was due, my teacher gave pairs of students two pages of book one to paraphrase, analyze for characteristics of Satan and to find literary techniques. Then the pairs had to give a presentation on the two pages to the class. During the presentations my teacher posed questions to the students presenting about various aspects of each page. Each question he asked baffled the students presenting. They stood there with deer in the headlights looks on their faces until I raised my hand from the back row. "Milton is referencing Greek and Egyptian mythologies, which as classical studies, were just becoming popular again throughout the Renaissance at the time he wrote this epic poem.", I said. The class stared at me in disbelief, and the teacher smiled. He and I embarked on a lengthy conversation about Milton's references to ancient religions as a way of "pagan-izing" the mythologies. By doing this Milton was creating connections his "modern" readers would understand and at the same time was damning those polytheistic religions in all Catholic eyes as the origins Satan's fallen angels enterprises on Earth. Several minutes later, our conversation had to wind to a close as we realized that the class was being neglected and didn't comprehend our trains of thought. The presentations resumed, but now I was the one answering every one of his queries. Afterwards, he informed us that we would be skipping books two and three and starting book four the following week. The entire class laughed at me in repudiation when I expressed my dissatisfaction at skipping the two books. My teacher promptly offered his copy of the book to me, shutting up the class immediately. They laughed at me for putting forth my own understanding of the novel, albeit they understood little of it. At the end of class, each of my classmates expressed their resentment towards the assignment of reading Paradise Lost. When asked why, the majority of the responses were "it's so confusing!", "I hate the way he writes!", and "It takes too long to read and I just don't get it". Whereas they did not "get it", I have found Paradise Lost to be one of the most intriguing novels I have ever read.

I'll post the other essays later!
OP Collegehopefull 2 / 5  
Oct 18, 2009   #2
My application is due November 1st and I would love some help making my essay perfect!
Kimmay159 - / 1  
Oct 18, 2009   #3
While your knowledge and comprehension of Milton's work do show your advanced grasp of literature, I think you come off as a bit contemptuous when you describe your classmate's reactions and their resentment towards you. The brunt of this essay seems to be that you understand literature much better than your peers. Try to focus instead on how much you appreciate and are intrigued by Paradise Lost and other works of literature, as opposed to how much smarter you are than the average English student.

Good luck!


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