Hi this is my draft of the why uchicago essay. It will be great if I can receive some feedback!
Prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
Throughout my life, I have always been attracted to adventure. The thought of exploring new places and discovering something I never knew entices me. I longed to travel, but not just to the typical big cities of the world. I want to visit the small towns and villages where the cultures of those people are truly preserved and not stained by globalization. The attraction for physical adventure has translated into intellectual adventure as well. I enjoy challenging existing ideas and to look at things at different angles. The want to challenge beliefs stems from being intellectually oppressed as a child. Growing up, I was taught to keep my mouth shut, speak only when spoken to and to never voice my opinion. What my elders believe is what I should believe and I must never question that.
Now, I want to challenge those beliefs and to learn to think for myself. For three years, I have worked at three different summer camps with elementary school children. To me, children are the ones who are the innovative thinkers. They are young enough to imagine and to believe in the impossible. Children are the ones who are able to always find another way, another angle of looking at something. This is something I want to achieve, or to regain. At the University of Chicago, I hope to find my inner child, to enhance my ability to think creatively. Even from the supplemental essay questions, I can see that this university values both critical and creative thinking. The essay prompts seem a bit strange, but are very thought provoking and requires imagination to write. I have not seen any other schools with supplements which require me to think at such a high level.
In addition, my love for adventure has translated into my love for learning. It isn't until junior year of high school that I realized I enjoyed both the sciences and the arts. I have grown up in a tunnel vision in which I only focused on the sciences. However, I recently discover I enjoyed history as much as I enjoyed science. Because of the expansion of my interests, the renowned Core curriculum serves as the perfect platform for me to explore my options. The Core curriculum is often interdisciplinary so it offers me not just one or two perspectives, but a multitude. I know that at the University of Chicago, no matter which direction I decide to go into, it will be strongly fortified by the core curriculum. Because the University of Chicago is capable in both the humanities and the sciences, I know I will be able to immerse myself in whichever field I will study in.
The University of Chicago itself is located in such a diverse city which taps into my desire to absorb a different culture. Chicago has a rich history of being an industrious city and one of the most urban cities in the US. The university itself also has a rich history and traditions such as the Scav Hunt. The sense of community it emulates satisfies my want of belonging. I want to fit in a community that is not only rich in culture, but also rich in intellectual thought. The University of Chicago is the perfect combination of the two.
I'm not sure if this is right, but I've heard that it's a no-no to talk about the actual applications in the essays. Plus, I'm pretty sure Chicago is aware that their prompts are interesting, so I would get rid of that part and instead focus on how you wish to develop creative thinking in UChicago (specifics).
I liked how you talked about what in your life developed each aspect you mentioned, but, again, speak more specifics and how certain programs or things offered on campus meet your needs for voicing your beliefs etc.
Hope it helped! I'm also applying UChic! Good luck!
p.s. please help check out my essay too
To me, children are the ones who are the innovative thinkers.
Jessica, you are in a bit of a jam here. You just successfully managed to insult the reviewer and the university in one paragraph. Your comments about the strangeness of the prompts were irrelevant to the discussion. All you succeeded in doing was angering the reviewer who, at that point of reading your essay, most likely made up his mind that you do not belong nor have a place in the University of Chicago community. While you think that you are complimenting the university, by questioning their prompts and calling it strange, you have done the exact opposite. Do yourself a favor, delete that part.
Aside from being an unspoken rule, it is also quite rude to discuss and compare the prompts of various universities you are applying to. The main idea that you should be presenting is that UChicago is your only university of choice. How well do you think your chances will be for admission if the reviewer openly knows that you are applying to various universities? Nope. That particular line alone just tanked the whole essay. Take it out and salvage the rest of the essay for use in this prompt.
Now, about your reference to the summer camp activity, I am not sure about how that directly relates to your interest in the UChicago curriculum. I would rather that you speak of your repressed childhood and how you were not able to voice your opinions or let your imagination soar because you could not question the adults decisions or comments. That to me reverberates more with the childhood innocence that you hope to regain at the university. Remember, this essay should be all about you and your future relationship with the university. So references to unknown children doesn't really carry much weight in the response. Always have your responses and examples emanate from you, your past, your background, your experiences.
Your discussion about the Core curriculum works well as an additional response to the prompt. I would not want you to change anything about it because it shows a direct connection between the curriculum and yourself. Mentioning a few classes you want to attend will help to bring more life to the paragraph as well. Try to do that if you can :-)
Following your advice, I made a lot of changes in the essay. Here is the revised version :
Throughout my life, I have always been attracted to adventure. The thought of exploring new places entices me because every place has special qualities waiting to be discovered. The wanderlust I feel has been translated from intellectual adventure which itself stemmed from my childhood. This want for knowledge stems from being intellectually oppressed as a child because growing up, I was taught to believe that what my elders believed is the absolute truth. Challenging their ideas equated to challenging their authority which, in a traditional Chinese family, is taboo. I should not ask questions and should not explore my curiosity.
However, as I grew older, I was attracted to knowledge. Being restrained suffocated me and I had so many questions to ask. At the University of Chicago, I hope to find that oppressed child and to free her so she could explore gardens of knowledge which she never got a chance to. I do not want to limit myself to one subject of study. Rather, I want to gain as much knowledge from all fields of humanities and science. University of Chicago's renowned Core curriculum serves as the perfect platform for me to explore and satisfy my thirst for knowledge. It is also interdisciplinary which offers me not just one or two aspects of a subject, but a multitude. In addition to supplying knowledge, the Core curriculum presents how subjects which seemed worlds apart can interact and relate with one another.
One particular program that interests me is the biological sciences program which encompasses the studies of immunology, cancer biology and even genetics. I am drawn to these fields, particularly immunology, because I am fascinated by the human body and its ability to constantly protect itself despite being exposed everyday to harmful chemicals and microbes.. The University of Chicago has many resources, including the Argonne National Laboratory which conducts extensive research on topics ranging from biology to physics. I can participate in studies about the human body and possibly make contributions which help humankind.
I am also interested in learning more about the world and its cultures. The East Asian Languages and Civilizations program immediately grabs my attention because it offers me a connection to my cultural roots. Even though I was born in China, I grew up in the United States and, as a result, know close to nothing about my culture. Even though I have grown up an American, I am still of Chinese descent. My heritage will always be part of my identity. Instead of relinquishing that part of me as I grow older, I want to learn more about it so I become more aware of who I am when I am older. I am not just American nor am I just Chinese, I am both and I don't want to forge either part of me. However, I don't want to limit myself to studying one culture. I want to branch out and study the traditions many civilizations. All these countries have such unique cultures and it's fascinating to learn about it and how they differ from the ones I know. The University at Chicago not only gives me the opportunity to study at Beijing, but also in other countries such as France and India, thus fulfilling my desire to travel and immerse myself into the customs of different cultures.
The school motto, "Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched" is telling of the values of the University of Chicago. Here, I will be able to let my curiosity guide me to where I want to go and to fully delve into the large pools of knowledge the school has to offer. I know that at the school, no matter which direction I decide to go towards, it will be strongly fortified by the Core curriculum and I will be able to tailor my studies to what I want to learn. The University of Chicago is exceptional in both the humanities and the sciences, Here, I know I will be able to immerse myself in whichever field I want to study in.
This essay is much better than your first, but still somewhat lacking.
For instance, I can kind of grasp what you are trying to say about the Core, but your preceding sentence that you want to explore gardens of knowledge is somewhat contradictory to the Core (being that the Core serves as a mandatory curriculum you must learn, therefore again you are being forced to learn certain material instead of an open curriculum, like Brown, which would be more supportive to your earlier statements.
Beyond that, the trick to many of these kinds of prompts (Why ______?) is that you not only need to identify some of UChicago's major selling points for you, but you also need to show what you can contribute back to UChicago. Admissions officers already know why people are interested in going to such a renowned school, so just telling them this information is rather useless. They are attempting to pick and mold the incoming class in a way that the student body would feel at fit with UChicago, and so you need to demonstrate some of the ways you would be a part of such a student body.
For example, a lot of schools other than UChicago have an East Asian Studies program, as well as study abroad opportunities at many various countries. But what about UChicago is particularly special that you would want to attend and learn from their program, perhaps they have many volunteer opportunities that you would like to be a part of, perhaps they have some sort of mentor group set up in the city for middle school kids to experience learning a language, etc.
Hope this helps!
