I have been extremely fortunate to have grown up living a very comfortable life.
My family is financially secure, and we never have to be concerned about where our next meal is coming from. My immediate family is also unified: we all love one another, and we are mostly free of friction and strife.
Totally irrelevant.
A perfect fit to his profession, Dad is stern and passionate in his beliefs.
How did his being "stern and passionate" help shapes you as a person? Give some specific example.
While their actions were well-intentioned and would usually procure the result they desired, they were certainly missing the mark in what they believed was incentivizing me to improve. It was not nearly as much the punishment as their disappointment that stung. I felt that I had let them down and failed them. From this young age, what I have always striven to do is to make my parents proud.
Good stuff. You realize their "incentive-izing" at a young age; however, this is totally irrelevant to the prompt unless you connect it with other points.
My parents' constant pushing for my success has made me resolute, driven, determined, and, almost paradoxically, very independent in almost everything I pursue.
Whoa, when did they "constantly pushing for your success"? I don't think 'grounding' is an effective example here.
Sigh, while it's true that Asian pushes their kids 1000x time harder, but that doesn't make an experience unique. An experience is only unique when a person learn or acquire something from it.
The prompt is asking for "a person." At first, you mention your dad, which is great. But then, you convert everything into "my parents did this or that" which is so generic. Reading this, I haven't learn anything about you except those that you explicitly stated at the end, which is:
I do not want the status of my life to be labeled as simply "satisfactory". I do not want to settle for mediocrity, and I do not want to merely "blend in". I want to reach great heights, and I want the respect and approval of my future peers. I could probably be called ambitious, and I've never considered the term negative: If one reaches as high as they can and never forgets their compassion and integrity, then their ambition can only change the world for the better.
To me, all that I have described encompasses a desire for success. I define success as a complete realization of one's potential. My potential has been forged by my having a very fortunate upbringing and coming from intellectually driven parents who love me, as well as push and support me in everything that I pursue.
I want to make them proud.
Those bold points are great if you had scatter them throughout your essay instead of bunching them in that one huge blob. Depending on the adcom, they can either take or leave the points you are trying to make. To portray the positive qualities that you have, you should use some solid example as reinforcement.
Good luck :D
Have time? Look at mine to return the favor! Thanks