"an Interact Club" - University of Florida Essay!

"If we open up our school to an Interact Club, we can open up many more doors for these students and for people in our community and around the world." As I walked into my Advanced Placement English class on the first day of my Junior year of high school, this sentence is what my teacher had said to me. This simple sentence began to change my high school experience for the better. My English teacher had the idea of starting an Interact Club at my high school and wanted me to help her with this goal. She explained to me that an Interact Club is an organization in which the club participates in programs and events that benefit the community and other organizations. I was very interested in helping my community and so I agreed to take on the challenge of starting this club and getting my fellow peers involved in it. Growing up the quote I heard the most was "Shoot for the moon because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." I lived by this quote for my Junior year and never gave up on my goal at making this Interact Club the best one my high school and the community has ever seen.

I was an officer for this club and helping to create it had opened my eyes to new opportunities to better the people around me and to better myself. Throughout my Junior year I participated in a Thanksgiving food drive which raised food for families who could not afford a Thanksgiving meal, Relay for Life which raised money for people struggling with Cancer as well as but not limited to a dodge ball tournament which helped fight a multitude of diseases and a bowl-a-thon. I became very committed to this organization and in helping the others around me. Participating in these charitable events, I began to grow as an individual and I now realize that I can accomplish any task, whether big or small, as long as I set my mind to it.

I believe the prompt required the essay to be 400-500 words in length. I like the subject you chose but I do think it could use a bit of work. Here are some corrections I've made.

"If we open up our school to an Interact Club, we can open up many more doors for these students and for people in our community and around the world." As I walked into my Advanced Placement English class on the first day of my Junior year of high school, this sentence is what my teacher had said to me. This simple sentence began to change my high school experience for the better. My English teacher's idea was to start an Interact Club at my high school and she wanted me to help her with this goal. She explained to me that an Interact Club is an organization in which the club participates in programs and events that benefit the community and other organizations. I was very interested in helping my community and so I agreed to take on the challenge of starting this club and getting my fellow peers involved in it. Growing up, the quote I heard the most was "Shoot for the moon because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." I lived by this quote formy Junior year and never gave up on my goal at making this Interact Club the best one my high school and the community has ever seen.

I was an officer for this club and helping to create it had opened my eyes to new opportunities to better the people around me and to better myself. Throughout my Junior year I participated in a Thanksgiving food drive which raised food for families who could not afford a Thanksgiving meal, Relay for Life which raised money for people struggling with Cancer as well as but not limited to a dodge ball tournament which helped fight a multitude of diseases and a bowl-a-thon. I became very committed to this organization and in helping the others around me. Participating in these charitable events, I began to grow as an individual and I now realize that I can accomplish any task, whether big or small, as long as I set my mind to it.

...what my teacher had said to me.

I see several themes: aiming high, a commitment to service, a commitment to this Interact clud... these are several disconnected ideas. What is the unifying theme!

Can you add a sentence or two in the first paragraph to express a theme to unite all of these? For example, your father's saying can be the unifying theme that makes you want to participate in Interact, serve at Thanksgiving time, and thrive in college.

Let that be the unifying theme! :-)

Thank you and yea this isnt my completed essay yet. My completed one will be much longer