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Interaction with one another, University of Miami essay


zoclorobert 1 / 1  
Aug 23, 2009   #1
I seem to be about 50 words to long, since these essay should run 250 words. i would like help editing unneeded sentences please and thank you.

Interaction with one another influences oneself in many ways, though it takes someone special to really alter your judgment. Not to get confused with the average person, this significant person's presence makes you want to do your best. Eric. Two years ago, this name wouldn't have meant anything to me. Yet now it holds true to my spirit. I first met Eric on my first day of work ever, lifeguarding. Being a senior lifeguard holds many responsibilities, and being one of three lifeguards, he always had our best interest. Having more years of experience then me, he has been through a lot at relatively such a young age, 26. I am not surprised of this due to the fact that he's a firefighter in Davie. On the fortunate days when I have break with him, he usually tells tales of his adventures. Sitting there like a schoolboy listening to his mentor, I watch and learn from his experience. Yet theses stories are not for the faint of heart. There are many grotesque facts about these stories, sometimes making me grunge. I keep on listening as the summer goes by. Until one day, there was a foul taste in my mouth. Eric was describing a routine drive along a weekend. There happened to be a drunken lady wandering the streets walking around with a six pack of beer. She happened to get ran over by a car and broke many bones, yet not one bottle was broken. Joking about how she held on the bottles so they wouldn't break, I question his sense of humor. He told me something that I will never forget. Sometimes you have to laugh at things to get over them, if not your not going to get over it. I never knew that one statement could have such an impact on my life.
Gabrielle 6 / 24  
Aug 23, 2009   #2
I'll be more than happy to help you with editing this essay, once you tell me what the subject is. A person who was influential to you? I just want to be sure before I start commenting. ;)
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 23, 2009   #3
Interaction with one another influences oneself in many ways, though it takes someone special to really alter your judgment. Not to get confused with the average person, this significant person's presence makes you want to do your best. Eric. Two years ago, this name wouldn't have meant anything to me. Yet now it holds true to my spirit. I first met Eric on my first day of work ever, lifeguarding. Being a senior lifeguard holds many responsibilities, and being one of three lifeguards, he always had our best interest. Having more years of experience lifeguarding then me, heEric has been through a lot at relatively such a young age, 26 . I am not surprised of this due to the fact that he's a firefighter in Davie.On the fortunate dayswW hen I have break with him, he usually tells tales ofme about his adventures. Sitting there like a schoolboy listening to his mentor, I watch and learn from his experience. Yet theses stories are not for the faint of heart.

Wait ok I regret that I did not read your essay before trying to fix it because it has more important content errors.

He told me something that I will never forget. Sometimes you have to laugh at things to get over them, if not your not going to get over it. I never knew that one statement could have such an impact on my life.

It impacted your life? How? Nothing in your essay shows how this applies to you so Eric's statement should have no profound effect on you whatsoever. I may be wrong. I think I have a different view on this than other forum members. I feel like these deep lessons that you learn have to directly apply to your life in order to be truly influential.
Gabrielle 6 / 24  
Aug 23, 2009   #4
I've decided I'm just going to comment it now, I've got nothing better to do.

Interaction with one another influences oneself in many ways, though it takes someone special to really alter your judgment. Not to get confused with the average person, this significant person's presence makes you want to do your best.

^This needs rewording. Read it out loud. It doesn't really sound right.

I first met Eric on my first day of work ever , lifeguarding. Being a senior lifeguard holds many responsibilities, and being one of three lifeguards, he always had our best interest.

Having more years of experience then me, he has been through a lot at relatively such a young age, 26. I am not surprised of this due to the fact that he's a firefighter in Davie.

^I would consider rewording this too.

Yet theses stories are not for the faint of heart. There are many grotesque facts about these stories , sometimes making me grunge .
^Umm, grunge isn't a word. Were you thinking of cringe?
Also, try not to say "these stories" so much.

I keep on listening as the summer goes by. Until one day, there was a foul taste in my mouth.
Eric was describing a routine drive along a weekend .
^Along a weekend? How about during the weekend?

There happened to be a drunken lady wandering the streets walking around with a six pack of beer. She happened to get ran over by a car and broke many bones, yet not one bottle was broken.

^Change ran to run.

Joking about how she held on the bottles so they wouldn't break, I question his sense of humor. He told me something that I will never forget. Sometimes you have to laugh at things to get over them, if not your not going to get over it. I never knew that one statement could have such an impact on my life.

^Like llamapoop said, this doesn't so how he impacted your life.
OP zoclorobert 1 / 1  
Aug 23, 2009   #5
I tried to fix my essay as best as i can, thanks for guiding me back to my topic. I elaborated a little more about how it has affected my life.

Eric. Two years ago, this name wouldn't have meant anything to me. Yet now it holds true to my spirit. I first met Eric on my first day of work, life guarding. As well as a senior lifeguard, he is also a firefighter in Davie. As well as being physically fit, he has to be sharp when it comes to safety skills that he has to perform on a regular basis. On the fortunate days when I have break with him, he usually tells tales of his adventures. Sitting there like a schoolboy listening to his mentor, I watch and learn from his experience. Yet these stories are not for the faint of heart. There are many grotesque facts that, sometimes making me cringe. I keep on listening as the summer goes by. Until one day, there was a foul taste in my mouth. Eric was describing a routine drive during the weekend. There happened to be a drunken lady wandering the streets walking around with a six pack of beer. She happened to get run over by a car and broke many bones, yet not one bottle was broken. Joking about how she held on the bottles so they wouldn't break, I question his sense of humor. He told me something that I will never forget. Sometimes you have to laugh at things to get over them, if not your not going to get over it. Eric's courage and determination for his job inspired me to become a firefighter. Having learned a lot about scenarios of life and death, I think I am more then ready to prose one of my ambition of becoming a firefighter. This means that I am going to be dealing with similar situations that Eric has gone through. Having seen a few gruesome situations, I never knew that one statement would have such an impact on my life.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 23, 2009   #6
Yet now it holds true to my spirit.

I'm not sure what this sentence means.

I never knew that one statement would have such an impact on my life.

What statement? The one about laughing? You need to make this more clear.


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