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"interaction with recovering addicts + my educational advancement" - ACTIVITES


Aflowers12 2 / 4  
Dec 26, 2010   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

How Should I change it .. Please edit it and critique it !

Please Help

1. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was taught otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me. It is part of the strong foundation upon which I was raised. Living in the South Bronx ...

After edits:

A decision I made early in life was that I would be dedicated to advancing my education; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I truly believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by elevating them to elves beyond imagination. We gain skills that allow us to live out our dreams; skills that give us the proficiency we need to be active participants in our society through the careers we choose. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the strong foundation upon which I raised. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and drug abuse are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extracurricular activities and career choices. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility in my community; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. As a manager at the center, I learned that success also comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse by observing the actions and lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday.

tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the strong foundation upon which I was raised. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and the drug use (maybe you can say drug abuse?)are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extra-curricular activities and career choices. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility in my community; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. As a manager at the center, I learned that success also comes from overcoming an obstacles such as drug abuse by observing the actions and lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday.

Could you please take a look at my supplement for Syracuse? Thank You!
OP Aflowers12 2 / 4  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
Thanks it sounds so much better now !! Sure i will look at yours
tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Dec 26, 2010   #4
A decision I made early in life was that I would be dedicated to advancing my education; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I truly believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by elevating them to levels beyond imagination.We gain skills that allow us to live out our dreams; skills that gives us the proficiency we need to be active participants in our society through the careers we choose.

From here, do the same corrections i suggested on the last post.

I thought that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was taught otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Living in the South Bronx poverty and the usage of drugs is apparent on every corner. I decided it was time to change that so while in high school I volunteered at a substance abuse treatment facility; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. At the center I learned that success truly comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse. Observing the people and how they learn to adjust and change their lives for the better demonstrates another form of success outside of education.
OP Aflowers12 2 / 4  
Dec 26, 2010   #5
Its a nice essay but the Commonapp is only allowing 150 words.

A decision I made early in life was that I would be dedicated to advancing my education; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I truly believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by elevating them to elves beyond imagination. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. My academica have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the strong foundation upon which I raised. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and drug abuse are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extracurricular activities. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility in my community; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. As a manager at the center, I learned that success also comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse by observing the actions and lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday.
tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Dec 26, 2010   #6
Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the foundation upon which I am raised; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by teaching them skills that allow them to live out their dreams and become active participants in society. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and drug abuse are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extracurricular activities. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility that serve underprivileged people in my community. As a manager at the center, I observe the lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday, and now recognize that success also comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse.

it's 174 words but thats the best i can do, you need to pick the most important parts and shorten in.


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