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'interest in architecture' + 'morals mandatory' - lehigh supplements

black_pearl_310 2 / 4  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
please read my essay and give feedback. The deadline if on Jan 1, so I need your help desperately.
The second essay is limited to 250 words but I exceed it. Could your give me your advice on how to cut it short?if you have time, please check it.

Why essay :

Since I was young, I grew a special interest in architecture, especially the Golden Gate bridge. I loved every single detail of its structure and I also admired those who constructed it: McClintic and Charles Marshal . When I found out that those two famous architects graduated from Lehigh University, I was very surprised because at that time I did not know anything about Lehigh university. However, the article on what makes Lehigh better than Layette college captured my mind immediately. On the first look, both schools are equal to meet every detail of my dream school: good reputation, rigorous community, stunning campus, varieties of clubs and organizations and diversity. But when I took considerations between two schools, Lehigh university exceeds my expectations. It has perfect Greek life in which I can enrich my social life and hone my leadership skills. Though its size represents a feeling of a big school, Lehigh still creates an opportunity for students to have personal contacts with professors. The skilled staff at Lehigh university provides students with an equitable and stimulating environment for all, which I found most interesting about Lehigh. Overall, I strongly believe that nowhere is better than Lehigh university in which I not only fit in but also thrive in.

Supplement essay:

2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

The story I am going to tell happened long time ago but I still remember it clearly without missing any parts. On my examination day, Nam nudged me to imply I should showed him my results but I kept doing and pretended not to pay attention to him. At the end of the test, he warned me that he would take revenge on me for not doing according to his demand. He told everyone in my class that I was a mean girl and they should keep away from me; some of them did. I was very upset about that and very confused whether I was right or wrong. All things considered, I realized that I was through no fault of my own and the core of problem was that Nam suffered from low morals. Since then, I have learnt morals are essential in studies as well as in life. Low morals leads to academic failure as students have no idea how studies are important to their lives and how they can utilize their knowledge to help people surrounding them. Therefore, they are not motivated to succeed. People are becoming more selfish and materialistic. Without morals, they can apply their knowledge wrongly, which can do harm to others and causes consequences. Morals help people to enhance their self-esteem and develop critical thinking. Morals also teach them to give back what they received, trained them into more responsible citizens. It is a pity that most institutes exclude morals as their basic course. So if I founded my own college, I would make morals mandatory.
perfectshove 1 / 3  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
The story I am going to tell happened long time ago but I still remember it clearly without missing any parts

Cut this part? Try looking it over and join some of the sentences together perhaps?

Overall,I believe your 2nd essay answered the

what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why

but not really the priorities of your institution and why?

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