"we thank you for your interest in becoming part CVS pharmacy" - for high end schools

Applying to schools like duke, upenn, emory, jhu, tufts and listing biochemistry as my first major, if thats not offered then biology. Heres my essay:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"I'm sorry, but we will not be inviting you to become an employee of our store. However, we thank you for your interest in becoming part of our family at CVS." I wasn't too depressed after receiving my first rejection for employment; after all, I still had three pending applications. Two nerve-wracking weeks passed by and I had not gotten another call regarding my prospective employment as a pharmacy technician from the other three pharmacies to which I had applied. Finally, I caved in and ended up calling each pharmacy I had applied to, thinking that I had been accepted and had probably missed their calls or given them the wrong number. Unfortunately, after following up, my intuition proved incorrect. I received rejections from all three. Even worse, I couldn't get a single interview out of my applications. I was both upset and frustrated, deeply perplexed by the outcome of events.

I needed to occupy myself for the first half of summer vacation, and finals were already around the corner, so I decided to apply to the two places still hiring: the local Superfresh and Walmart. Summer vacation arrived so I decided to make use of my free time by finishing my summer homework at home while they were still processing my application. The banality of my work coupled with the emptiness of my forlorn room made for an extremely boring day. I decided that I needed a change, so the next day I escaped to the newly opened library.

Part way through my work, I decided to take a break and find an interesting book. I remembered enjoying a book called Oxygen, one I read during AP Chem, so I headed off to the science section to find something similar. I started looking through the first shelf, but all I found was either picture books or textbooks; nothing seemed appealing. After a few minutes of browsing, I found an interesting looking book, called The Body Electric. The book detailed the role electricity has on regeneration and also described the research performed and discoveries made by the author in the then bygone field of bioelectricity. I didn't have much prior exposure in this topic so I dashed to the nearest chair to see what this book had to offer, as exited as a child on Christmas morning. After peeling through the first few pages, I was engrossed in the subject matter and ended up spending the rest of the day reading. Although I hadn't seen much written about the nervous system and bone healing, I was able to comprehend most of the material covered with my background in high school science courses coupled with the excellent explanations provided. However, some concepts were out of my sphere of knowledge so I went to find a basic biochemistry book from the same area of the library to serve as a reference. Carefully admiring the pages of The Body Electric for the rest of the day turned out to be the start of a great summer.

Later that day I started reconsidering the idea of getting a job this summer. Instead, I wanted to do something more intellectually satisfying: delve into the subject of biochemistry. After deciding to forgo employment and pursue the quest to satisfy my curiosity, I was able to experience an enjoyable and intellectual summer. Each day I made the relaxing ten minute bike ride to the library where I would spend my entire day learning about both science and those I met at the library. Although I started my summer by reading, I quickly found pleasure in playing chess with others and volunteering at the library. I met a plethora of people subjects, including a young but balding Indian man who was starting his own software company, and shared stories on a range of subjects. The decision I made to alter my summer plans allowed me to develop a passion for a subject that I hope to learn more about in the future. I now aspire to someday contribute to our knowledge of the biological and chemical sciences.

To be honest, it's not interesting enough. Oddly enough, I like that it starts off with the rejection from CVS, because there's so many possibilities for topics. But it goes really slow and gets kind of boring (sorry). It just feels like you're giving us a play-by-play of an experience that shouldn't be dissected. It's going to take a lot more to make finding a book at the library compelling. Good luck, man.

Read mine?

called " The Body Electric"

the, then bygone, field of bioelectricity.

exc ited as a child

OKAY honestly i stopped reading cuz it was kinda boring. you need to portray more passion in the subject if you truly have passion for it or else the schools wont understand how passionate you are for it. maybe expand on how you want to contribute to our knowledge of ___ lol

but read my umich one? please and thank you. and really, expand more on the actual impact that this experience had on you, thats where the meat of the essay should be, the experience should only be the side dish.

Can you guys give me more of an idea of how to make it more interesting? ugh my essay sucks

You can emphasize more on how disappointed you were. Then transition to how you knew that you couldn't obsess over your loss of the job opportunities, so you went to the library, a place where you could find something to do. That's where you developed a new interest. If you hadn't been rejected from those jobs, you couldn't have developed this interest in biochemistry. You can change the outcome of your experience of being fired to something like "i learned that bad things can give way to good things, so I learned from this experience to accept adversity because it can give way to something great." not exactly like that, of course, but hopefully you get my point.

Also, a lot of what you wrote kind of felt like you were trying to fill space. I think that is where it became really unnecessarily drawn out and you went off topic a little.


-this is a good introduction


-this is where it gets boring


you can use this sentence to open the next paragraph


this is not needed


cut this part out


this is off topic. but, come to think of it, it would be interesting if you could somehow talk about your experience in the whole library. Like, if you met or saw some interesting people, you could talk about what you learned from them. Just a thought.

Remember that you don't have to talk about academics. You can talk about pretty much anything significant in your life. Keep that in mind if you decide to scrap this.

Hope this helped!

Can you read my intellectual vitality essay?? I can really use some constructive feedback/criticism/whatever you can help with :)