I hope it answers the question well.
Please, read, review and critique ASAP,
help me with mine and i shall help you with yours.
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study
500 word limit-
current word count0 499
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Since the childhood, my family has had a unique fascination with plants and animals. Although, my mother did her master in microbiology, she couldn't begin her medical studies because of her marriage. However, her love for plants and animals increased day by day ever since. We have had 2 cows in our backyard, which gave us plenty amount of pure, fresh milk, free from the preservatives. We have had 4 pet dogs of different breeds, 2 parrots, 2 hamsters, 1 pigeon and a surfeit number of plants of different flora and fauna. With a kitchen-garden attached to our house, our house was the powerhouse of fresh dairy products and vegetables. Even so, we could also call our house a small ecosystem and therefore, growing up there interested me in Biological Science since the memory of my childhood starts.
My interest in Biology evolved at the age of 13, when my pet dog developed a tumor. It began with a small lump and soon grew into a palm-sized malignant tumour. She was operated upon every day and the tumor was surgically removed from the mammary region. While the veterinary doctor operated on her in the clinic, I nursed her to health at home. After every surgery, she was too feeble to walk so I would carry her in my arms everywhere and even feed her with my own hands. I would put the surgical sterilized gloves and clean the opening of the wound with a cotton swab dibbed in spirit, followed by putting anti-bacterial on the area, to prevent the bacteria from setting in. Looking at me clean and cover up the wounds, the veterinary doctor commended me on the finesse of my work and complimented me by saying that I had a hand of a surgeon. Taking care of my dog made medicinal science more alluring to me. I was sure by then that I wanted to be a doctor- to save life and give new ones.
While introspecting for this essay, I didn't know how to start. Suddenly, in the back of my mind, neurons fired across synapses and signals triggered my memory: I abruptly recalled my childhood memories. I had known my interest and passion all along. The working of the entire human body has always enticed me, especially the human genetics. Just like any tealeaf-picker plucks the best tealeaves from a plant, in the same way, I plucked the biological sciences at Cornell's College of Art and Sciences because of its phenomenal Biology Department, known throughout the world. Sharing a common interest with Professor Erik Alani in generic modulation of DNA recombinant, I want to join the Alani lab and help him with his research on the MMR proteins. As a young researcher, Cornell with give me the opportunity to utilize its resources and work in its world class labs under the phenomenal professors. When I see myself tomorrow, I see myself in Cornell, following my dreams of working in Prof Alani's under his great mentorship.
rew2402
Since the childhood
should be : since childhood
our house, our house was
no need to repeat our house twice. just write 'it was'
working in Prof Alani's under his great mentorship.
working under Prof Alani's great mentorship
your introduction seems a little bit too wordy. maybe you could cut on how many animals you have and focus more on how these animals fascinate you.
hope this helps :)
Thank you people. i'll review it again.
kevinmojica- email me - daringlildude at gmail :)
also, do i need a better starting? i can reduce the number of animals allright, be like, more specific./
My advice is that oftentimes first paragraphs of roughdrafts are not needed. Don't spend too much time introducing the background because it takes away attention from the main purpose of the essay. I like the background stuff but shorten it.
also
While introspecting for this essay, I didn't know how to start.
I don't think you need that sentence.
Just like any tealeaf-picker plucks the best tealeaves from a plant, in the same way, I plucked the biological sciences
Kind of awkward.. I would omit it and figure out a shorter more effective way to say the rest of the sentence.
