With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.
I always thought that there was something magical about animals and life itself. Chameleons changed colors, porcupines changed shapes, and parrots talked. How these animals accomplish such tasks fascinated my childish mind. Unlike many of my friends, I never seemed to have outgrown that childish curiosity I had for animals.
As I grew older and learned more about animals, I found that what I have learned was a gateway to even more mystery. Yes, I understood that chameleons change colors because of the pigments in their skin, but how do pigments function?
When I first took the accelerated biology course, I learned more about the process of life. It seemed as if I just uncovered the inner workings of a watch and discovered the thousands of intricate pieces. I was introduced to a whole new world, the molecular world. It was confusing to learn about a world that I had never seen, but that made biology more novel and attractive to me. Biology and I clicked.
In my Advanced Placement Biology course, I learned more about these intricate pieces and how they worked together to make life. Biology was a vast subject. What could be more fascinating then studying life itself?
My interest for biology turned into a passion, and I began to look for opportunities around me so that I could further immerse myself into this fascinating world. Fortunately, I found an internship at the Stanford Neurology Department where I participated in a research project on the neuromuscular disease Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Currently, I am writing a grant for my own research, which I proposed to the professor I worked for during the internship, on how over-stimulation of SMN proteins on in vivo cells can improve the quality of life.
Biology is so vast and unexplored that there are infinite opportunities to discover something new. Just the thought of making a new discovery excites me. However, in order for me to continue on my journey to future discoveries, I need to be more acquainted with biology and gain a more comprehensive understanding of the subject, and that is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.
The Wiess School of Natural Sciences offers an outstanding curriculum for biology majors. Its department of Biochemistry and Cell Biology offers a breadth of courses. In addition to the breadth of the courses offered, many of the courses are also geared specifically towards one of the many biological studies such as the course BIOS 464 on Extracellular Matrix.
The school's mission to provide the students with the best possible education, and the opportunities conduct research alongside outstanding professors is the perfect combination to aid my intellectual growth and understanding of biology. I believe that the Wiess School of Natural Sciences will prepare me to enter my graduate studies and join the scientific community as a learned and aspiring scientist. This is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.
I know that the last paragraph is really brief about how Weiss can help me. Any suggestions of what I can add?
Anyhow please revise thanks!
All in all, this is a good essay. The flow was very smooth, we definitely know WHY you like biology. I think your conclusion can be better if you can elaborate on what you intend to do with, for example, your B.S. degree or something like that and how the Weiss school is the best way to do it. Do some research, cite an example on how the Weiss school has helped some other student make another discovery or something like that. I dont know if there is a word limit. But i dont think you should really worry about elaborating on the school part, as long as you made clear why you like Biology :)
and do you mind looking over my essay? thankyou
Alright, i'll look into it!
Can someone please look through this for grammar mistakes? Also, is the content good?
Thanks! And Merry X-mas!
Seeing a panda that was so different from human that breathed and moved like us astounded me -> Seeing a panda that was so different from human yet breathed and moved just like us astounded me.
Chameleons changed colors, porcupines changed shapes, parrots talked
-> ~~~, and parrots talked.
As I grew older and understood more about animals, I only found that my understanding was a gateway to even more myster
-> ~~~, I only found my passion for animals to be stronger.
It was confusing to learn about a world that I had never seen but that made biology more novel and attractive to me
-> ~~~~, but ~~~~
AP Biology
-> In my Advanced Placement Biology course
Biology was a vast subject and what can be more fascinating then studying life itself?
-> Biology was a vast subject. What could be more fascinating than studying life itself?
My interest for biology turned into a passion and I began to look for opportunities around me so that I can immerse myself in this fascinating world and I ended up with an internship at the Stanford Neurology Department where I participated in the Spinal Muscular Atrophy research
-> My interest for Biology soon turned into my passion, and I began to look for opportunities around me so that I could immerse myself more into this fascinating world. Fortunately, I found an internship at the Stanford ~~~~~~.
What does SMN stand for??
on in? -> do you mean 'in?'
Biology is so vast and unexplored that there are infinite opportunities to discover something new and just the thought of making a new discovery excites me, but in order for me to continue on my journey to future discoveries I need to be even more acquainted with biology and gain a more comprehensive foundation of the subject and that is why I am applying to Wiess School of Natural Sciences.
-> Just the thought of making a new discovery fascinates me. However, in order for me to continue my research, I need to be more acquainted with Biology and gain more comprehensive foundation through an extensive studying at college.
Its department of biochemistry and cell biology offers a breadth of biology courses but many of the courses the school offers are geared specifically towards one of the many biology studies such as the course BIOS 464 on Extracellular Matrix.
[Please make sure to capitalize Biology or Biochemistry.
-> Even though its department of Biochemistry and Cell Biology offers a wide range of courses, I find the courses' strong concentration on BIOS 464 on Extracellular Matrix to be [ I cannot think of a word. But you know what I mean.]
The school's intent to provide the students with the best possible education and the ability for undergraduate students like me to conduct research alongside outstanding professors is the perfect combination to aid my intellectual growth and understanding of biology. I feel that I will be prepared, if not over prepared, to enter my graduate studies and join the scientific community as a learned and aspiring scientist and that is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.
-> The school's mission to provide its students with the excellent education, and the school's focus on the undergraduate research seems to be the perfect combination to aid my intellectual growth and my understanding of Biology.
I believe that this education will very well prepare me to continue my research at the graduate level and help me to become a great scientist, and this is why I am applying to the Wiess School of Natural Sciences.
I really like your essay. It is interesting, and I indeed enjoy reading it.
But, you have some minor grammar errors and need to make sure each paragraph flows well.
I am applying to Rice University this year as well.
Good luck with your application!
Thank you for the input! I had to cut the 1st paragraph off since I was over the limit. Anyhow here's the new version.
* I didn't capitalize all the biology words because only the ones that are proper nouns needed to be capitalized. Thanks for catching a bunch for me!
