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"Interest in business + Even Better" - University of Rochester two supplements


Phuong57 2 / 5  
Dec 22, 2010   #1
Hi everyone. This is two supplement from university of rochester. Their application deadline is January 1st so it is great if I can have the help from you guys :) Thanks

The Rochester Curriculum - University of Rochester students enroll with no required subjects as they design their own college path. Write about the subjects and learning situations that interest you most, and how you intend to use your autonomy hereI'm very interested in the Rochester Curriculum which allows me to have the autonomy to explore my subjects' interests. I have a strong interest in two majors: law and business. My interest in business is fostered by my aunt's success in business. With her ability and courage, She has turned herself from a poor woman into a CEO of one of the best newspaper companies in Vietnam in 5 years. This anecdote is the reason why I like business. The fact that a person's decision can change the situation of the whole company. On the other hand I have always liked to experience law since it is the fundamental base for every country. The fucntion of law is to ensure that every one is treated equally and therefore, without law, the society will be a pot of unjust and bias things. Rochester's Curriculum will help me to experience my interests before deciding what major I will study.

Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer and example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result."Hey Asian, pass me the balls". That was the sentence I heard in every soccer practices when I first came to America. Being born in Vietnam, where soccer never reaches the world class level, I was stunned with the students' ability to play soccer in America. Sadly, the team looked down on me, and I felt like I was not part of the it. Depressed with my situation, but I could not give up on the sport that I loved since I was a kid. I wanted to play soccer and got respect from the team, so I decided to practice more. After every practice, I would stay in the field to do extra running and shooting around the field while my teamates competed with each other to see who could take shower first. I kept practicing with the belief that hard works will paid off one day, and that day did come. I had my first goal in America after a month in front of the impression from my teamates. Two weeks later, I even was in the starting line of my team to play against other school. I learn a lesson that, strive for your goal as much as you can, and your dedication will paid off.
OP Phuong57 2 / 5  
Dec 22, 2010   #2
I need help guys :(
anuarbek95 7 / 17  
Dec 25, 2010   #3
Hi, is there a word limit for those essays? If not so, I think you need to write a more complete one.
I'm very interested in the Rochester Curriculum which allows me to have the autonomy to explore my subjects' interests. This sentence is a little bit awkward. Try to paraphrase it into something like this: The Rochester Curriculum has a divergent curriculum activities, which will enable me to explore and develop my academic interests. I have a strong interest in two majors: law and business. My interest in business is fostered by my aunt's success in business. This sentence is not so meaningful. They want to see that you chose business because you liked it, not because someone succeeded. Write that I was inspired to follow this path of studying by my aunt. and then this sentence =>With her ability and courage, She has turned herself from a poor woman into a CEO of one of the best newspaper companies in Vietnam in 5 years. This anecdote is the reason why I like business. The fact that a person's decision can change the situation of the whole company. On the other hand I have always liked to experience law since it is the fundamental base for every country. The fucntion of law is to ensure that everyone is treated equally; therefore, the society will be a pot of unjust and bias things without a constant law system. Rochester's Curriculum will help me to experience my interests before deciding what major I will study.

Hope it helps, good luck
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 2, 2011   #4
...to explore my subjects of interest.----I changed this. I took out the apostrophe...

typo: fucntion

Rochester's Curriculum will help me to experience my interests before deciding what major I will study. ---Rather than ending this with a sentence about indecision, you could revise this sentence so that it lists 2 or 3 of your interests and leaves the reader thinking about how impressed they are about your wide range of interests.

Second essay:
Having been born in ...

Oh, I am so impressed with this one. It shows appreciation, respect, humility, honesty... very very good.

I kept practicing with the belief that hard works would pay off one day, and that day did come.

I had my first goal in America a month after the first impression I ma de on my teammates . Two weeks later, I even was had been in the starting line of my team to play against other schools . I learn a lesson that you should strive for your goal as much as you can, and your dedication will paid pay off.

:-)


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