Muggle67 1 / - Oct 12, 2010 #1Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.There are only a few memories in a person's life that spark a passion which persists throughout one's entire life . My undying fascination with the world of business investments began at the tender age of 9. It was a cool Saturday morning and my Mother and I were going to visit my cousin Tom after he invited us for a tour of his office, which was located in the Chicago stock exchange. As we entered the towering office building, I was impressed to say the least, but I was still unsure what Tom did for a living. When my Mother and I finally arrived at my cousin Tom's office, I could not restrain myself from asking how he earned such a luxurious office. He laughed and proceeded to explain to me that he handles the investments of over 100 clients. As a young child, I could not seem to wrap my head around the idea of the stock market, but the idea of investing money in the products and services of a company always intrigued me due to intelligence and strategy needed to make such important investments. The importance involved with managing the investments of others was something which I admire and crave. From that day on, I have dedicated myself towards understanding the stock market by closely following specific stocks such as Apple and Microsoft. In school, I have also sought out the insight of my teachers with previous experience in business investments. Through the diverse and prestigious faculty at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, I hope to further advance my curiosity for the world of business investments. With hard work and determination I plan on becoming a stock broker with the same responsibility and importance as my cousin Tom.Please offer any insight that you might have in order to further imporve my essay. Thank you.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Oct 15, 2010 #2There are only a few memories in a person's life that spark a passion which persists throughout one's entire life . ----- I needed to get rid of the redundant part.Mother is not a proper noun when you use it this way: When my Mother mother and I finally arrived at my ...It sounds like you seek wealth, luxury, and importance. Can you write a few paragraphs that make the reader aware of what you think makes life meaningful and what is really important to you? There are other ways to be important and wealthy, so you must love something about investment... something that you can capture in words, and make the reader share in your enthusiasm.An essay of 300 words can be 3 paragraphs long! One intro, one body, one conclusion.:-)
