Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


"Interest in caring for animals" - my school, family, community


amysbarn 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
I wrote this essay thinking that I could write one collective essay addressing BOTH UC prompts. Now I am trying to figure out how I can divide up my essay into 2 separate essays. It's a bit long and I am having trouble knowing where to trim it down and what I need to keep. Am I on the right path?

Prompt 1- Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt 2- Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

It is without question that my life is a little different than the average 17 year old's life. My interests span from raising animals to pursuing photography to baking homemade pastries. I have been blessed with a nurturing, close-knit family that is continually supportive of me in my wide variety of interests throughout the years. My family has a tremendous impact on my outlook in life and the values that I apply to everyday situations. My mother and father always encourage me to stay focused, remain positive, and be the best possible representation of myself in everything that I do.

From an unusually young age, I have shown interest and curiosity in animals and the work and responsibility involved in caring for them. For as long as I can remember, we have had some sort of new and different animal running around the house with the family. I can remember when I was just six years old and I had a pet turkey, which sat on the piano bench with me as I conducted my practice. I can't express the content feeling that came over me as I sat there peacefully with my little friend. As I grew older, my family moved to the country where I was able to raise and care for chickens, ducks, rabbits, horses, miniature donkeys, goats, and later pigs, cattle, and sheep.

When we moved to the country, I wanted to get involved with 4-H, and later with FFA, and that is exactly what I did! 4-H and FFA are leadership organizations that teach kids about agriculture and the leadership skills involved in both the agricultural industry and society in general. I started in 4-H as a very shy 10 year old in the poultry project, admiring the older, more knowledgeable kids around me, and only six years later was elected the President of my 4-H Club. The 4-H and FFA organizations and the experiences they have provided have shaped me as an individual and have helped me become capable and competent. Due to my experiences in 4-H and FFA, I now realize that I have to embrace the ability to try new things and branch out beyond what I may be comfortable with. I have found that those experiences render valuable personal growth. I can remember the first time I wanted to run for the position of Attendance Secretary on my 4-H Executive Board. The idea of standing in front of a whole crowd of people to give my election speech was terrifying; I really could not imagine anything worse at the time. I was elected Attendance Secretary and slowly started becoming accustomed to talking in front of a group-this was only the beginning. Subsequently, I was confronted with many more challenges and leadership opportunities. From informing the public about 4-H at the farmer's market to meeting with the city mayor, I was developing skills and learning life-long lessons while having fun in the process!

In addition to leadership roles in school and in 4-H, I have the opportunity to learn what real responsibility is through caring for my animals regularly: daily feedings-twice a day, every day. From cleaning a barn full of cages on Sunday afternoons and grooming horses, cows, pigs and sheep for weeks prior to the County Fair to training animals to perform and comply in the show ring, the responsibility never disappears. It takes complete dedication and commitment all year-round in order to allow me to stay involved with raising animals. For many years, I have had the privilege of working with and learning from some very knowledgeable people. I spend countless hours riding and training with a local horse trainer. This involvement has allowed me to travel to horse shows around the state as well as be involved in the many stages of a young horse's training. Through these experiences, I am exposed to different situations that allow me to be aware of what an animal-related career would entail and to have realistic expectations of what this type of career would be like.

Not only did showing animals teach me responsibility, it taught me how to practice good sportsmanship. What I observe many times is that when it comes down to it, life is similar to one big competition. Many people are only out to help themselves, and too seldom do people really make an effort to help others. Showing animals has taught me the importance of standing out in the crowd by being that person who is willing to take the time to help others. My dad says that a person does not truly know a subject until they teach it to someone else. There are so many learning and teaching opportunities presented to me every time I attend an animal show. When I first started, I was able to learn from those select few people who were willing to help me; now I try to help others in the same way. In competition, there are wins and there are losses. What separates someone with a winning attitude from the rest is how they handle each challenging situation with which they are confronted. I have learned the importance of handling my emotions in a careful manner and expressing an attitude of friendship, whether winning or not.

Though my extra-curricular activities keep me busy and play a major role in my life, I always view school as my number one priority. At Ann Sobrato High School, I try to be as diligent and committed a student as possible. In my mind, I go to school for one purpose-to learn. I try to apply myself completely to my schooling and it is my highest priority as a student. With my often hectic schedule, I am very careful to manage my time and make sure that my school work is completed in addition to my usual chores and tasks at home. Many days after school, I must work quickly and efficiently to complete my homework as well as have time to feed and care for my animals. Living this lifestyle has taught me valuable time management skills that I feel will be vital in both college and the working world.

It is often intimidating to me to think that I have reached my senior year of high school and now must make the very difficult decision of choosing my life's direction and career. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a family who has raised me to have positive expectations and realize that I will grow in my certainty with time, as I continue on with my education. My academic achievements and awards as well as my own pursuits have helped me to establish a strong work ethic and develop accountability in my everyday responsibilities. The lessons I have learned from my real-life experiences over the years can be applied to my future and I look forward to seeing how they can help build me into the person I hope to become.

I would truly appreciate any help you can give me!! Thanks!
essceejay216 4 / 51  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
I admit, I did not read the entire thing. It is a lot. But from what I can tell, it isn't a totally lost cause.

The first prompt should be about you and where you come from and how that has influenced you. Talk about your life, your family, what motivates you. Do not go into detail about those two organizations you talked about or academics. They can tell what kind of student you are from your transcripts. You want them to get a glimpse of who you are as a whole, not just as a student or animal caretaker. I find that you focused on one specific experience in this essay, but that will not cut it for the first prompt.

I see that you wrote a lot about your involvement with 4-H and FFA. I would suggest that you use this experience for the second UC prompt being that it doesn't answer the first prompt. That way, it would be okay to go into depth about it because it would satisfy the prompt.

Good Luck! I hope I helped :)
OP amysbarn 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2010   #3
Yes you definitely helped!! I think I am starting to see what you mean. I was looking at other people's essays in response to the first prompt and I can see how I really did not talk about "the world I come from" very much (with regards to family). I noticed many people talked a lot about their parents and family for the first prompt...is that more along the lines of what I should be doing?

Thanks so much for your help!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2010   #4
how I can divide up my essay into 2 separate essays.

The actual text is not the resource you need to preserve. The IDEAS in the essay are the resources.

One Essay = One big idea

This essay is all about the idea of your excellent preparation for success. It does show evidence to support the notion that you have learned important skills, but it does not say much about your specific intentions. So, I think you should come up with a few career goals. You do not have to choose a career right now, but I think you can choose a few career that will be your most likely choices. If you talk a little about your goals and career possibilities, that will add a new dimension to the essay and enable you to divide it into 2 essays that each attend specifically to the prompt they are supposed to answer.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / "Interest in caring for animals" - my school, family, community
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳