Can you guys proofread this essay quickly? I have to submit it on 1/1>.<, this is extremely late>.<
The cornerstone of a Sarah Lawrence education is the combination of small, seminar-style courses accompanied by an independent study component known as conference work. These independent study projects allow students to explore their academic and personal passions under the guidance of professors in the humanities, creative and performing arts, social sciences, and the natural sciences and mathematics. (To learn more about conference work and view current student projects, please visit our Student Works site at: slc.edu/undergraduate/work/student-work.html.
There are infinite possibilities, so take a moment to step into the shoes of a Sarah Lawrence student. Is there a topic you've always wanted to learn more about? Has a class in high school rushed past a subject that you found fascinating? In a 250-500 word essay, tell us about an independent study project you would design if given the opportunity.
My interest in the social hierarchy was first sown by the movie "Mean Girls". I was primarily fascinated with the social elites, personified by "the Plastics" and simply defined by my inexperienced mind as those people whose social standings were the envy of the rest. I was obsessed with figuring out the source that dictated the degree of one's popularity and the possibility of one's social position being jeopardized.
This interest, long forced into abeyance by the staggering schoolwork in Vietnam, germinated afresh in the glow of my experience living in a single-sex hostel in Singapore. This community offered me a unique opportunity to observe the social dynamic within a group that lacked female admiration as a barometer and thus had to rely on other factors in determining one's social position. Being a casual observer as well as a participant in the social scene, I saw the initial liquidity of mingling friendliness divide itself and crystalize into individual hard substances, otherwise known as cliques. Gradually, a social hierarchy formalized. As expected, the "jocks", among whom sports were the mainspring for conversation, ruled the apex and the "loners", who were always seen doing things alone and behind whose backs people often ridiculed when nothing better offered for conversation, occupied the other end.
Being in the "gossip" clique, who made it our business to know everything about everyone, I was curious less by the social prominence of the "jocks" and more by the social positions of the "loners". To be able to get a scholarship to study in Singapore and join this privileged community, these "loners" were indeed brilliant individuals; and my extensive usage of Facebook showed me that they figured prominently in other social settings. What made them so easy targets for ridicule, which in turn led to their social undoings? Certainly, different backgrounds and propinquity made a dangerous concoction for social antagonism, but I knew certain computer game geeks with far more questionable habits who were condoned by this community.
My newfound interest in classic literature introduced me to the works of Edith Wharton. Reading through these novels's analysis on GradeSaver and Sparksnotes, the idea of clan's protection came to me. The House of Mirth's Lily Bart was urged to marry quickly after her aunt disinherited her, since now she did not belong to a family or a social sphere, which left her floating with no real roots. The Age of Innocence's Ellen would have been snubbed without the Luydens' social endorsement. I realized that the interaction between the cliques in my community prohibited them from openly criticising individual clique member, and thus "loners" were made victims, for they had no social alliances to fall back on.
My social experience, while by no means extensive, helps me relate to these novels of manners, whose focus center on social behaviors. They offer me familiar yet fresh understanding of human nature and society. I want to explore the integral facet of sociology in these novels.
Being a casual observer as well as a participant in
This essay is very impressive, but right here it is a little unnecessarily wordy. You should probably at least take out the word 'casual.'
Actually, I would like to get rid of this and just keep the brilliant second half of this sentence:
Being a casual observer as well as a participant in the social scene, I saw the initial liquidity of...---That is some very good stuff... I mean the crystallization into cliques, very smart...
Okay, one more complaint: The ending does not leave the reader thinking about a particular theme... the beginning and end of the essay should both express the same great, thoughtful theme. You already have it; you just have to capture it in a sentence at the beginning and end of the essay. And at the end, add something "extra," some additional thought for the reader to begin to explore, related to that main idea. But the important thing is for you to make it so that if anyone asks the reader what the essay was about the reader can easily answer with a sentence that tells about an intriguing idea that is the theme of the essay.
:-)
