Hello! I would appreciate it if you could help me with some feedback for my TAMU statement of purpose to transfer into Mechanical Engineering, and what I could add/remove or do better to improve it. Thank you so much in advance!
Texas A&M TRANSFER STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
Prompt summary: I am expected to demonstrate interest in pursuing Mechanical Engineering as a focus, the sop must communicate understanding and desire to pursue such major and a planned career plan.
As a seventeen-year-old boy in El Salvador, close relatives in Houston offered to finance my undergraduate education. With a campus fifteen minutes away from my family's house and affordable classes, Lone Star College was a convenient choice.
At LSC, my coursework on Calculus, Chemistry, and Physics gave me the engineering's foundations. Integrals, Derivatives, Thermochemistry, Newton's Laws, Work, and Thermodynamics, are my essentials for upper-class courses. Academic challenges at Lone Star College broadened my view of team-work and academic coaching. Participating in group works and lab teams, my peers and I helped each other out and joined our strengths to produce good results. Alongside, the academic coaching center and additional study material cleared out the doubts on the largest chapters of University Physics I. This academic and team-work experience has trained me solve projects collaboratively and for my future major's inherent demands.
Despite the academic growth Lone Star College has given me, the bachelor's degree opportunities I can pursue here are limited. Transferring to Texas A&M is the next step in getting theoretical and technical training toward the broad and versatile Mechanical Engineering major.
My interest in ME is linked to my childhood. I took apart my toy cars to see how they were assembled inside. Though I did not succeed at re-mounting them, I got a glimpse of how my little McDonald's toy car did three-foot drives as it said: "Hot Dogs! Hot Dogs!" My small cars' motors amazed me as much as the Discovery channel's "How It's Made" documentary. Staring at the television, I was intrigued to see that the chairs and knives in our house were manufactured from raw materials like lumber or steel and transformed through precise, automated processes.
In college, my work on a research paper expanded my insight into the application of physics and chemistry into engineering. Writing on rocket fuels' science and internal combustion systems on spacecraft, I was amazed by how combustion reactions in combustion chambers produce thrust to propel a heavy structure based on conservation of momentum and Newton's Third Law. In University Physics I, I got interested in free body diagrams and heat engines, which are not perfectly efficient because energy is released into a cold reservoir, but produce mechanical work by taking energy from a heat reservoir.
Mechanical Engineering encompasses my interest in Calculus, Chemistry, Physics, and their application to machines, engines, and manufacture. This major will help me adapt to upcoming technologies and advanced engineering concepts comfortably and prepare me for a wide range of areas like construction, automotive, materials, thermal systems, manufacturing, plant engineering, robotics, and combustion engines. As a mechanical engineer, I will have a unique insight into different fields, broadening my career and further academic opportunities.
At Texas A&M, I am interested in courses like Principles of Thermodynamics, Design of Mechanical Components and Systems, and Materials and Manufacturing Selection in Design. These classes are the building blocks for me to take Internal Combustion Engines, Principles of Turbomachinery, and Computer-Aided Engineering as technical electives. I also expect to apply my academic skills in the Capstone Design Project Program and help solve company-sponsored projects in the Zachry Engineering Education Complex's labs. TAMU's top, extensive technical resources will help me apply theoretical knowledge for practical purposes beneficial to society and obtain valuable technical skills.
I am also determined to apply to the International Internship Program opportunities in Singapore and TAMU at Doha, which would allow me to expand my knowledge and technical skills in the global arena. Through this opportunity, I plan to gain knowledge of work ethics in the Eastern hemisphere, which would enhance my career communication skills while getting hands-on research experience.
As an Aggie graduate abroad, I plan to contribute to El Salvador's industry as a proficient, ethical worker reflecting the Aggie Code of Honor. My career interests are in the automotive, manufacturing, assembly, and maintenance industries. I intend to apply my future knowledge of materials, engines, mechanical systems, and machinery in companies like Hanesbrands, Fruit of the Loom, Kimberly Clark, and Avianca Airlines. I also aim to serve as an academic and career advisor in my hometown for high schoolers and college students in engineering curricula. I am confident my academic commitment, career vision, and strive for attainable goals as a student and as a moral agent will fit well in the J. Mike Walker '66 Department of Mechanical Engineering.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The first thing I noticed in this essay was the length. It is too long. You need not have included the paragraph related to taking apart your toy cars. Instead, you should have focused on explaining how your mechanical engineering interests were aroused by the work you were doing as a student at LSC, under a specific major. That way, you can show a clearly mature interest and need to change courses. It often happens that interests change in college as a student gets exposed to other avenues of learning, in relation to his current major. These exposures often result in a course shift for the student, so quickly show how the course helped enlighten you to the fact that your career satisfaction lay elsewhere.
With regards to the career plan, there isn't any presented in this statement. You portrayed an intricate academic learning plan, which is not the same as the career plan requirement. You need to know where your career will be in about 2 years as a mechanical engineer. That is long enough for an undergraduate career plan as after 2 years, you may decide to pursue a masters course. For now, speak of your early career plans instead. Perhaps working for the government of El Salvador in the Public Works agency or as an inspector for a particular industry. Make a career plan, it doesn't have to be set in stone. The reviewer just needs to be convinced that this career will take you somewhere professionally rather than academically.
