PSU requires 1200 characters including spaces.this is 1578...can someone shorten it please?ALL HELP IS APPRECIATED!!!THANKS!
As a child, I developed a deep interest in world cultures that has persisted into the present and now structures my goals. My first passion was Ancient Egypt. The more I read about Egypt's history, the more I wanted to learn about other countries like Greece and Italy. Each chapter of history that I encountered fueled my desire to learn more. As I read about various cultures, I began to realize that all human societies are interconnected. With this realization came a new era in my education.
Over time, I turned from merely reading about other cultures to seeking out movies and songs that would offer international experiences. Eventually, it was only natural that would seek to experience another culture for myself. In this way, at the age of 16, I decided to become an exchange student. When I joined the ASSE exchange program, I enjoyed a long-awaited opportunity to live in another culture. Of the countries available, I chose to visit the United States. I found this country to be vastly different from my home country, China, and delightfully so.
After arriving in the States, I began attending a local high school. In order to develop social connections, I joined the choir and the track team and even participated in an art show. My experience as a foreign exchange student was filled with new friends and great relationships. Interacting with people whose cultural experiences differed radically from my own taught me good communication and diplomacy. I would love to expand on these skills by pursuing a degree in international politics at Penn State University.
As a child, I developed a deep interest in world cultures which has persisted into the present and now structures my goals. My first passion was Ancient Egypt. The more I read about Egypt's history, the more I wanted to learn about other countries as well. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn.
Over time, I began to want more than merely reading about other cultures; it was only natural that would seek to experience another culture for myself. Thus, at the age of 16, I decided to become an exchange student. I joined an exchange program and had the opportunity to live in another culture. I chose to visit the United States, which I found to be vastly and delightfully different from my own country, China.
After arriving in the States, I began attending high school. To assimilate, I sang in the choir, ran on the track team, and even participated in an art show. My experience as a foreign exchange student was filled with new friends and great relationships. Interacting with people whose cultures differed radically from my own taught me communication skills. I would love to expand on these skills by pursuing a degree in international politics at Penn State University.
...What do you think?
thanks for your help!!!
this is cool but i feel it now sounds dry..u know what i mean?
well obviously i dont know how to shorten it but you did a good job.thanks!any ideas how to make it impressive even though it's shortened?
but thanks so much for your help!!!GIANTLY APPRECIATED!
:D
I think you are missing a word here:
Eventually, it was only natural that I would seek to ...
It's better not to use more commas than necessary: In this way, at the age of 16 I decided to become an exchange student.
It's better not to use more words than necessary:
Of the countries available, I chose to visit the United States. I found this country the United States to be ...
After arriving in the States, I began attending a local high school. Another unnecessary, unhelpful sentence.
In order to develop social connections, I joined the choir and the track team and even participated in an art show. ---cool! Excellent...
I like the last few sentences a lot. :-)
