1.Describe how a Purdue education will help you achieve your personal and/or professional goals.
This is my essay. I wonder if it is better to mentione more about the university, rather my own dream. I am Japanese and not good at in English.
Please make suggestions to my essay.
Since I was a child, I have been interested in aero space technology. I've bought lot of books of talking universe and the space technologies that humankind has developed. Once I wanted to be an astronauts when I was 8. But as I grew up, I became unable to decide my future career. Though, I became determined of my future goal and dream when I went to Houston while I was 9th Grade.
It was two years ago that I have decided to study aerospace engineer. Aerospace engineering is not the popular major and job as something of accountant, lawyers, and doctors, but I was so interested and fascinated in it, I decided to study this major. And the Purdue University was one of and the best suited university for me.
It was the summer after the 9th grade that I decided to study aerospace engineer. My parent signed up for the tour called HASSE, which is the tour to the NASA, in Houston. At first, I thought they are forcing me to become an astronaut. Since I realized being an astronaut is one of the hardest job which tests both intellectual and physical capability of human beings. I was seriously thinking about becoming a ordinary business person or office worker which was realistic but not the one I dreamed of. And I reluctantly went to tour. But my perception of the world changed instantly when I went to the Houston. Everything I saw in the NASA tour was amazing. They were huge and vast, but scrupulously made. I had a VIP tour, that we could go into the Johnson Space Center in the Houston, where I saw the mocks of the aero space mechanics and modules for real investigation but not for exposition. I saw the space shuttle, robot arms, new models of space suits and the Luna probes. But the one most I was so touched and inspired was the real Saturn rocket displayed in the space center. The Saturn rocket displayed in there was neither a mock nor a replica. It was the real Saturn rocket but remained unused. It was over a 100m and four engines equipped were so huge that small house could be covered. I imagined this huge object launched to air and leave the atmosphere faster than any vehicle on the earth. This rocket brought humankind to the first place other then on the earth. I felt something that I could not have felt when I was reading the documentary of the Apollo missions. The year 1969 is just after 70 years that the humankinds were allowed to fly into air with the invention of the Wright brothers. And this Saturn rocket enabled us to leap into the space. I was so touched and inspired by this real Saturn rocket in front of me.
In that tour, I met several NASA scientists, the engineers of the space suit, and outer shell of the space shuttle, and others. And I found that the messages these scientists told us had something in common. That is, never give up your dream. They told us your true dream is the one you thought when you were a child. And one of the scientists told us she is the very person pursuited her childhood dream and made it come true, saying "Have a giant goal and believe it." Then it made me think what my true dream was. I realized that once I have thought of becoming an astronaut. And the reason behind it was my pure interest in the space and universe. I found myself more interested in aerospace engineering rather than becoming an astronaut. I wished I could build the Saturn rocket as once Von Brawn did in 1969.
Unlike in the 1960s and 70s, the development in the space technology slowed down and no nation achieved the goal of landing on the moon after the last mission of Apollo. And now the launching of the space shuttle was ceased in the USA. Despite of slowing trend, I am decided to study aerospace engineering. I choose to go to the Purdue university, not only because, Neil Armstrong is from this university, but because the innovative potential in the university as professor Eiichi Negishi in Purdue university proved. I believe professor Negishi was able to get Nobel price with the help of Purdue University's ability in innovation. Since I am Japanese same as professor Eiichi Negishi, I strongly feel that the study in Purdue university will provide me a great knowledge and potential of aerospace engineer and to achieve my goal, that is, go back to Japan and help land men on the moon once again. I strongly believe the major of aerospace engineering is the most scientifically edge-cutting major. Because this is the major that brought us to the moon and this is the major that all human intellectual gathers and to prove our ability and possibility to go outside the earth.
First, "Since I was a child, I have been interested in aero space technology." aerospace is a word, not two. "I've bought lot of books on the universe and the space technologies that humankind has developed." Generally, people don't begin a sentence with "but." A lot of writers do that, but teachers will always correct the using of "but" to start a sentence.
"And I reluctantly went to tour." You don't need the "and" here, it makes the logic kinda weird.
There is a thing called "show, don't tell." You need to express how the rocket imspired you rather than saying "I was so touched and inspired by this real Saturn rocket in front of me."
"I choose to go to the Purdue university, not only because, Neil Armstrong is from this university," You don't need the comma.
You described a lot of details about the NASA but you also need to really make one point stand out. This point has to be unique. This is why you want to study aerospace. You reason for studying aerospace is fine, but i think you might do better if you dig deeper into yourself and ask yourself why do you want to study aerospace. I bet there are reasons besides sending Japanese to the moon. Maybe you want to prove some theory, maybe you want to chanllenge some fact. I don't know... Anything that is interest that will make the admissions officer in Purdue think that you are the next Neil Armstrong.
