Instructions: Topic of my choice.
Three score and seven years ago, the first all-purpose computer was invented. Ever since then computers have quickly become the main backbone behind much of the world's growth and the global community. Try to imagine a world without computers. No televisions or video games, no mobile phones, or no power. It's rather scary, isn't it? Our world and society depend on computers in almost every aspect of our daily activities. Whether it be arts and entertainment, health, science, or even medicine; computers help, not only people communicate, but as well as other things communicate with one another. Computer scientists have introduced a tremendous number of innovations in order to improve the quality of life and to meet our human needs.
For many years, I have been inquisitive about computers and other electronic devices. My interest in pursuing computer science comes from several different factors which have influenced me greatly. First, I have been exposed to technology throughout my entire life. Living in the twenty-first century, almost everything is, or can be done electronically. Second, I am extremely fascinated by how things work, how they can be improved, and how to make them easier to use. Through the study of computer science, it will allow me to adequately satisfy my interests and curiosity. A third factor which has affected my interest in computer science is change. I admire the fact that there is always going to be something new in the world of technology. Computers and technology is changing every day and will continue to change forever.
Through pursuing computer science, I will not only have the opportunity to learn and fulfill my interests, but also be able to help and enlighten those around me. From around the age of 10, when I was able to get a computer running by myself, I have been extremely engaged and involved with computers and technology of that sort. This experience gave me self confidence and has taught me that even at a young age, nothing is impossible, as long as I put my mind to it and believe in myself.
I believe computer science is an excellent specialty. I am immensely eager to enter the field of computer science. I would like to find a program that offers the opportunity to study and learn in a well-structured and well-administered environment with professors who love to teach. Further, I need the right fit for my training, as I seek to become a skillful software developer, and become a great addition to the computer science field. I need a program that will allow me to combine both my personal and professional goals into a successful career. I am confident that my past experiences, along with a thorough academic education, will enable me to pursue my interest in a successful career in computer science.
First of thanks for reviewing my essay, I appreciate it.
I chose classes which have personal importance to me, regardless of their difficulty
I'd suggest " I chose classes in which I have a vested interest, regardless of their difficulty"
Your essay is interesting and I really liked it. However you seem to have too many short sentences. Try connecting a few of them (look below) and that way it will show flow as well as allow you to write more.
From these classes, two subjects hold an extraordinary amount of value to me. These two subjects are math and science.
"Out of these classes, the two subjects that hold the greatest value to me are math and science"
Three score and seven years ago, shouldn't be used in my opinion since it can be argued that the date of the first computer predates the 1940's, also the terminology is antiquated and even more so when talking about computers.
consider your audience...especially when deeming it scary to live without modern comforts. If the essay gets read by someone older they will have memories of times near to what you describe as scary, most likely fond memories. It's not a good idea to alienate your possible audience. - just a thought to consider.
"Whether it be arts and entertainment, health, science, or even medicine; computers help, not only people communicate, but as well as other things communicate with one another." -- this is a good thought but consider modifying the end of the sentence - it's vague and doesn't make your point as strong.
the second paragraph is good it brings the personal in... I would move the last sentence to the beginning of the fourth paragraph and edit from "Computers and technology is changing every day and will continue to change forever." to - Technology is changing every day and will continue to change, I believe computer science is an excellent specialty.
You should consider changing the tone of the fourth paragraph to speak to and about the college you are seeking admission from and allocate the qualities and personal desires to being provided or achieved at XYZ college. "I would like to find a program that offers the opportunity to study and learn in a well-structured and well-administered environment with professors who love to teach." -- You sound like you are still searching, and the college you are applying to may or may not have these qualities...a change in tone to... AT XYZ college I have found a program....etc. Also "Further, I need the right fit..." Futhermore is a better fit.
Best to You
Well... I feel you should be able to fit into this story. Your answer to this prompt needs to have substance and tell those admission guys something about you. So, I feel you should limit all these to about two lines and no more. And then quickly bring in yourself and start revealing things about you.
Try the following link for a sample answer on this prompt... I guess it'd help you get an idea about what I mean;
