Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
I love to classify myself as a sci-fi nerd. I love all things science fiction, from the movies to the graphic novels. I would often find myself cosplaying characters from the stories or discussing the complexity of BattleStar Galactica. People might call me obsessed and I don't mind. I wear it like a badge of honor because it is precisely this obsession that shaped me into who I have become and led me to pursue mechanical engineering.
Growing up my imagination soared with the superheroes like Spiderman, X-Men, and my favorite: Teen Titans. It was on Teen Titans where I discovered the character that influence my future career path. He was an amazing character known as Cyborg. He was a regular teen until he was in an accident that left him disfigured. The doctors were able to save him using bionic and mechanical parts. Although now part machine, he was able to lead his new kind of normal life. He was alive and thankful for it.
As a child Cyborg's story deeply intrigued me and I realized that without the biomechanical parts, Cyborg wouldn't be alive. I started wondering: If cyborg could live off mechanical parts then maybe it would also be possible for humans too. After noticing other things from science fiction shows being brought to life such as mobile communicators from Star Trek and 3d printing from the Jetsons, I became further convinced that it was possible to translate an object from fantasy to reality; to make the impossible, possible.
Over the years, this thought festered in the back of my mind, I was exposed to some engineering programs and building exercises. I found myself truly enjoying them as I already loved solving problems and learning how things behaved. I liked taking apart objects and trying to put them back together. While working on a medical device over the summer and wearing a Teen Titans shirt, it suddenly hit me. This is what I want I wanted to do, creating objects and focus my life on advancing medical devices.
This is why I want to study mechanical engineering and work with artificial limbs in the future. I also hope to neurally link a person's brain to their new limbs to make using it more comfortable and easier. My obsession and love for science fiction has led me to what I want to do and led me to my path today.
Hey so I need a little help revising and putting the essay together. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome!!!
Tears trickled down my face as I watched ...
Unpredictably, my face was trickled down by my own tears since i watched my favorite Doctor said "goodbye" to his friends a couple months ago. he was leaving, regenerating and never returning forever. What is more, I looked up from the screen just for seeing my sister rolls her beautiful eyes beside me even though i did not care. the episode was so sad. as time passes, it was 4.08 am on a thundering Saturday and i was stuck inside, but i did not mind as i entertained by my beloved science fiction show, Doctor Who.
I found myself truly enjoying them
asbecause I already loved solving tackling problems and learning how things well- behaved.
... it suddenly hits me. That, thus, is what
I want I wanted to do, making object and focusing my life on ...
... new limbs to
make using use it to be more comfortable and easier.
Jasmine, the first time I laid my eyes on your essay, I noticed the presentation, paragraph spacing of your essay which is quiet not necessary. You can either put together 3 paragraphs, introduction, body and the final paragraph, that's about it and you will have a well written, well presented essay.
I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.
- Over the years,
as this thought festered in the back of my mind,
- I was exposed to
some engineering programs and building exercises.
- I found myself truly enjoying
themin the field as
- I already love
d solving problems and learning how things behave d .
- I liked ripping
apart objects apart and trying to put them back together.
That thusThis is what I want I wanted to do,
There you have it, I believe the above are the much needed fix for your essay, I hope it helped.
Thanks!!! So do you think the essay properly answers the prompt and is good enough to send in? Or should I choose another topic?
Hi Jasmine, I think I can still offer my personal opinion of your essay right? In my opinion, you made a creative declaration of the way that your interest in Biomechanical Engineering developed. I don't think that everyone can refer to Teen Titans as a reference for this. However, you presented such a logical question that I can't find a flaw with your line of reasoning nor your inspiration.I watch Teen titans myself so I could understadn why you would reference Cyborg in particular in terms of Biochemical Engineering. he is truly one of the more interesting and animated characters on the show. I agree that he could actually be the future of robotics and human limb replacement technology.
I believe that all your essay needs at this point is finalizing and I believe that I can help you do that. By the way, I removed the reference to Dr. Who because it doesn't really align itself with the rest of your essay content. I believe that the essay became much better after it was removed. However, if you want to keep that part, then go ahead and do so :-)
Thanks so much for the editing. You made what I was trying to say very clear. I was thinking of getting rid of the Doctor Who beginning but I thought that it drew the reader into my essay , but now that I look back on it it's not really needed. Thanks again!!
I really loved your essay it was captivating and explained exactly why you were interested in mechanical engineering. However maybe you could tweak the last paragraph. Instead of saying "
This is why I want to study mechanical engineering . You could say something along the lines of science fiction has sprouted my love for mechanical engineering or something like that.