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"International conservation internship in Costa Rica"-UC transfer prompt 1

Juliastrange 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
Any grammar issues? Or any suggested changes??

This is my first essay on the UC Prompt 1:

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

After graduating high school I started to work in my intended career field of visual merchandizing. I knew I needed to work in order to save up money for when I did return back to school, but more so I started working full time because I didn't know what I wanted to major in specifically. After working hard and being promoted into my dream job, I quickly realized that the career field was not for me after all. The following semester I enrolled in college as a psychology major. My dream job that I had worked so hard to get to had left me unfulfilled, I felt lost without a clear goal for my career.

During my first year at community college I changed my major several times. I was still unclear on the direction I wanted my career to go, I was easily influenced and felt like if I picked the wrong major like I previously picked the wrong job, it would ruin my life indefinitely. I had spent too much time feeling trapped in situations I could not control and I refused to feel trapped any longer. When I decided to take my life into my own hands, at that moment I knew wanted to work for the environment. All my life I had participated in beach and park clean ups and I frequently volunteered by teaching the public about the importance of habitat and wildlife conservation. I immediately felt good about my decision and wanted to find an internship that would allow me to become more qualified and desirable within the field.

This past summer I applied for an environmental conservation internship at a biological station remotely located deep within the Tortuguero National Park jungle in Costa Rica. As soon as I applied I started researching everything there was to know about the rainforests of Costa Rica. I learned about the wildlife, plants, weather and people. When I was accepted I was thrilled. I was aware the conditions were going to be very basic and I would be working hard, but I finally knew I was on the right path. The field coordinator told me that all of the internship vacancies had been filled months prior and there was a waitlist of over 20 people, but when they read my essay they were compelled to make an extra spot just for me. My hard work and perseverance paid off and shortly after I left for Costa Rica.

The biological station was located in the rainforest twenty miles down river of any type of civilization. There was no running water or electricity and we slept in huts made of drift wood that were infested with insects. I pulled water from the well to drink, ate by candle light and cooled off from the mid day sun by bathing in crocodile infested canals. I loved every minute.

In the morning I walked along the beach to the four mile marker recording the number of turtle tracks I counted. During the day, while dressed in a mosquito net body suit, I trekked through the thick humid jungle recoding the hundreds of species I would see on every walk. At night I patrolled the beaches where thousands of Green Sea Turtles beached themselves to nest. Without a flash light or bug spray I measured and tagged the turtles, and counted their eggs while they laid them.

Every week I prepared numerous reports on every aspect of the jungle. Everything from climate patterns to species migrations. I used all the data I recorded and did outside research with the countless number of text book that were supplied to us. I threw myself into every project available and took it head on. When the staff saw how determined I was they offered me a chance to earn a Business And Technology Education Council Certification. After weeks of one on one tutoring in environmental systems, daily exams and countless research papers I passed the course.

During my internship I gained a sense of accomplishment within myself I would never have known otherwise. Overnight I was thrown into a foreign and unforgiving environment where I was on guard for my safety everyday. I not only made the best of it, but I excelled at what I was doing because I loved the work. I take great pride knowing that I have the ability to accomplish my goals even under the most extreme circumstances.
g_sengupta 1 / 5  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
"My dream job that I had worked so hard to get to had left me unfulfilled. I felt lost without a clear goal for my career."

overall, i'd say you did a really good job with this essay. it shows a lot about your personality and experience, so good job!

the only problem is i don't think you ever specifically state exactly what your intended major is. you talk about something to do with the environment, but just name a major specifically and i think you'll be good!

good luck :)
p.s. could you take a look at mine if you get the chance, it'd be much appreciated!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 15, 2010   #3
it would ruin my life indefinitely.

Wow, Julia, this is a cool phrase.. I like your writing.

I often recommend enable instead of allow for this kind of situation:
...would allow me to become more ...

In a compound sentence, use a comma: My hard work and perseverance paid off, and shortly after I left for Costa Rica.

Same here:
There was no running water or electricity, and ...

This is great. I think you should write a little more at the end, though, about how this helped you to make your decision. Can you explain, at the end, a little more about the career you envision now that you had this experience?

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