Hi! I'm not the best with grammar but I would say I'm good at knowing a good story( I love to read as well!)
I like the content of everything you put in your essay. I feel that you explained why and how you became interested in international development. I would say that maybe you should have a more engaging hook at the beginning. I do appreciate that you went straight to the point but a little story would be nice. Maybe an anecdote about your first day in America or perhaps you explain your background and that could then lead into your intended major.
I loved the content and I don't think you should take anything out.
Here are a few errors though.
'm looking forward to furthering my education at your universities' international development program because it will help me learn to make a change.
Should be
university'sI learned Spanish and studied my first language Korean to strengthen my language skills and I have always read Times magazines, National geographic and other literature like the Foreign Service journals (when I could afford it) since I was in high school
Try to break this into smaller sentences because it is a run on.
I have worked for my living since I graduated high school and unfortunately I had not the opportunity to volunteer for any activities or organizations but I have always stayed on top on political change of other countries
Perhaps try:
I have maintained a job since high school and have not had opportunities to volunteer for any activities or organizations. However, I have always stayed on top of political changes in other countries and religiously watch world news.Good Luck! I wish you the best!!