Hey! this is my essay on the UPenn supplement! I have really been struggling with this piece so all honest feedback and comments would be appreciated! thanks in advance
Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique as[ects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?
When my brother returned from his first summer program at the University of Pennsylvania, I received the impression that Penn was a place where students found joy and meaning in their academic pursuits. It seemed like the university that would support each individual's educational explorations and encourage them to delve into various interests, rather than restricting them to limited curricula. Strictly speaking, it appeared to be the university where I would not only be challenged in a flexible, interdisciplinary curriculum but also be given the opportunity to strive amid a diverse and devoted student body.
My doubts were cleared when I visited the campus my junior year. The students I chatted with were not only engaging but were interested in what I had to say as well. After listening to my exposures to adversity in Russia and my goals to improve the affairs among countries, a Russian student informed me of the programs for cultural awareness in which she had been participating at Penn. Another Korean undergrad shared my support of the South Korea-United States Free Trade Agreement and the benefits it would bring to our families. Although I grew up in seven different countries, I had never felt so at home as I did at Penn.
The role of international relations in the developments of countries fascinates me. Exposed to globalization at a young age, I have seen an impoverished nation emerge into an economic powerhouse because of its international ties with helping countries; in the same way, I hope to use my studies in cultural relations to ameliorate foreign and domestic struggles. For example, after my apartment home in Russia burned to the ground because some beggars had started a fire to keep warm, I have thought of introducing foreign business ventures for affordable heat supplies in Moscow. I would like to present theoretical solutions to international problems in the SIR Journal of International Relations and provide different perspectives supported by personal experience.
At Penn, I plan to introduce the concept of the Living Library, a club a friend and I established which serves as a student-run neural network of tutors, journalists, and other individuals. Penn's Living Library will be much like the IR Undergraduate Student Association (IRUSA), one of the few organizations for the international relations undergraduates, but it will add to the student participation on which clubs depend their success.
Since Penn offers programs that support real-world applications from classroom learning, I want to take advantage of opportunities like PiAf and contribute to the futures of emerging countries like South Africa. In the class, courses like "Transnational Issues and Global Politics," will show me in a historical and political context how intercontinental issues like foreign trade have determined cultural norms such as the changing dining habits in my own family. These studies will help me see where the world is heading, and hopefully one day, may lead me to guide the futures of my many homes.
To achieve these goals, I would be required to have knowledge in economics and business, subjects in which I am interested but have little experience. Fortunately, student organizations such as Awareness of International Markets (AIM) and Undergraduate Economics Society (UES) at Penn not only allow but encourage its students to find education outside their comfortable area of study. I regret not having enough opportunities to pursue my interests in economics or business, but through Penn's vast selection of clubs and extracurricular activities, I hope to learn from people whose interests are similar and different to mine.
Penn already feels like home. The intercultural community is where I can make my voice be heard, and each challenge I face will be another step towards achieving my dreams. I am prepared to take on those challenges and that, I know to be true.
my thoughts: too long.. anywhere I can cut words? do i sound like I want to go to UPenn?
one major thing. you don't mention anywhere, which specific college you are applying to at Upenn!
oh sorry it was in the title. I'm applying to international relations. But you couldn't figure that out by reading the essay? if not, my esay has issues...
Could you separate the essay into paragraphs? I'd be a much easier read for me haha.
----->When my brother returned from his first summer program at the University of Pennsylvania, I received the impression that Penn was a place where students found joy and meaning in their academic pursuits. It seemed like the university that would support each individual's educational explorations and encourage them to delve into various interests, rather than restricting them to limited curricula. Strictly speaking, it appeared to be the university where I would not only be challenged in a flexible, interdisciplinary curriculum but also be given the opportunity to strive amid a diverse and devoted student body.
---->My doubts were cleared when I visited the campus my junior year. The students I chatted with were not only engaging but were interested in what I had to say as well. After listening to my exposures to adversity in Russia and my goals to improve the affairs among countries, a Russian student informed me of the programs for cultural awareness in which she had been participating at Penn. Another Korean undergrad shared my support of the South Korea-United States Free Trade Agreement and the benefits it would bring to our families. Although I grew up in seven different countries, I had never felt so at home as I did at Penn.
---->The role of international relations in the developments of countries fascinates me. Exposed to globalization at a young age, I have seen an impoverished nation emerge into an economic powerhouse because of its international ties with helping countries; in the same way, I hope to use my studies in cultural relations to ameliorate foreign and domestic struggles. For example, after my apartment home in Russia burned to the ground because some beggars had started a fire to keep warm, I have thought of introducing foreign business ventures for affordable heat supplies in Moscow. I would like to present theoretical solutions to international problems in the SIR Journal of International Relations and provide different perspectives supported by personal experience.
---->At Penn, I plan to introduce the concept of the Living Library, a club a friend and I established which serves as a student-run neural network of tutors, journalists, and other individuals. Penn's Living Library will be much like the IR Undergraduate Student Association (IRUSA), one of the few organizations for the international relations undergraduates, but it will add to the student participation on which clubs depend their success.
---->Since Penn offers programs that support real-world applications from classroom learning, I want to take advantage of opportunities like PiAf and contribute to the futures of emerging countries like South Africa. In the class, courses like "Transnational Issues and Global Politics," will show me in a historical and political context how intercontinental issues like foreign trade have determined cultural norms such as the changing dining habits in my own family. These studies will help me see where the world is heading, and hopefully one day, may lead me to guide the futures of my many homes.
---->To achieve these goals, I would be required to have knowledge in economics and business, subjects in which I am interested but have little experience. Fortunately, student organizations such as Awareness of International Markets (AIM) and Undergraduate Economics Society (UES) at Penn not only allow but encourage its students to find education outside their comfortable area of study. I regret not having enough opportunities to pursue my interests in economics or business, but through Penn's vast selection of clubs and extracurricular activities, I hope to learn from people whose interests are similar and different to mine.
---->Penn already feels like home. The intercultural community is where I can make my voice be heard, and each challenge I face will be another step towards achieving my dreams. I am prepared to take on those challenges and that, I know to be true.
my thoughts: too long.. anywhere I can cut words? do i sound like I want to go to UPenn?
sorry essayforum wouldnt let me edit this thing
