"Being an international student" - RC Prompt

i want you guys to give me suggestions and advices
i need to apply this essay before next week..
thank you very much!

Write an optional personal statement. We are interested in learning more about you as a person beyond your grades and test scores.

Being an international student has been a very precious experience in my life. There are many hardships if you are not familiar with that country you live in. I still have many problems and conflicts even though I have been living in the United States for three years. However, there are always people who help me and take care of me when I have a difficult time. Having relationship with great and helpful people has been lucky. I especially appreciate my parents, and am most thankful to them. They are valuable advisors because they supported me to study aboard so I can see the world with open eyes. They always respect my opinion and future. I certainly can believe they are always my supporters in my entire life.

When I moved to Virginia from Korea, I felt I had come to a new world. This area has many differences from my home country. Since my homeland is not a multicultural country, it is rare to have relationship with foreigners. At first, I was afraid to communicate with people in English, even though I had visited the United States before. My friends in school and church helped me to improve my English skills and understand the American culture. Eventually, I realized it is really interesting to meet a diversity of people in a new place. From that time on, my future was planned, and I was sure that I wanted to be a part of a vibrant community.

I have learned several foreign languages since I was three years old. My mom taught me the English alphabet before I was able to talk, and I had an English tutor from kindergarten on. However, I realized the best way to learn a language is to live in that language's country. At the beginning of pre-school, I started to learn Chinese, and I took Japanese classes in middle school. I began having an interest in foreign cultures. After I took Spanish, I started to develop a curiosity about the culture of South America. Also, Spanish helped me to understand the English language and learn more vocabulary. I have a talent for learning in languages, and I am thankful to the people who helped me to discover this talent. I want to use my talent while traveling through the world. I plan to major in pre-med, but I will continue in languages to improve my language skills.

Sometimes, I imagine myself to be a pharmacist making medicines for patients. I see their smiling faces after they get better through my medicine. I want to live in the world where there are no diseases and illnesses. I am ready to learn about medicine in my future and help people around the world. I hope people can achieve happiness through my help.

It's a good personal statement, you sound very dedicated and your writing flows easily. English is not really my first language either but here's some little re-sequencing for you to consider: