I just finish my Bates application essay 'How did you discover Bates? Why do you wish to attend Bates?'
I'm an international student and I have no idea if my essay is concise enough or too much, if its clear or not, or if its too short (its about 700 words). I would be really thankful If someone could give me feedback and let me know if there's something grammatically incorrect or that you would rephrase. Thanks a lot.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------Discovering Bates
As an international student, coming from country in which there are only a small number of options to choose a college, deciding the colleges I would apply required me to make an exhaustive college research. When it was time to start looking at for the colleges I wanted to apply I started my college research with help of my university advisor. I knew I wanted to assist to small liberal art school so when I asked my University Advisor for advice he recommended a couple of colleges and one of them was Bates. After reading about Bates in your webpage and learning about Bates I also read some other students opinion and reviews. Having read all of this and ...
I don't see why you couldn't use the same essay as long as you change every time you said bates and maybe changed a little bit of the information to be taylored to fit the other school. Good essay overall though. 700 words is quite long for a school, especially if it is a common app school. A college has to read a ton of essays so you might want to do some shortening but I think it is fine.
As an international student, coming from country in which there are only a small number of options to choose a college, deciding the colleges I would apply required me to make an exhaustive college research. When it was time to start looking at for the colleges I wanted to apply I started my college research with help of my university advisor. I knew I wanted to assist to small liberal art school.
soWhen I asked my University Advisor for advice, he recommended a couple of colleges and one of them was Bates. After reading about Bates in yourthe webpage and learning about Bates, I also read some other students opinion and reviews. Having read all of this and taking my university advisor's advice, I decided to apply to Bates.B ecause it covers not only it covers my academic expectations, but I believe it also has the great right environment for me.
I consider myself a multifaceted person. I have very diverse interests and this helps me develop in many aspects of my life. These aspects, such as intellectual, spiritual, social, emotional and physical are something I value and consider vital in my life and also complementary. This is what motivates me
the most to apply to Bates. I consider that Bates is a college in which balanced in all of its aspects and provides the right environment for a student with my ambitions. In this stage of my life, I'm still discovering myself and I believe that and place which that allows me to develop every aspect of my life is the right place for me. The two main aspects of Bates which attract that interes t me the most are the academics and the community.
Not only Bates has good reviews for its challenging academic level in general, but it also has excellent reviews on the areas of my interest. Before coming to the United States I had never had an Economics class, but for many years it was something I was interested in. This is the reason I'm taking the IB Economics course at my present school, United World College USA (UWC-USA). I've discover that this subject is something that makes me passionate and that there are many students and professors at Bates that share my passion. This is one of the reasons I want to attend to Bates, since Economics is one of
yourits top majors and I've read many good comments from yourthe students. Furthermore, I consider that being in a small school, like Bates, brings many benefits that large schools can't provide. At UWC-USA, for the first time, I had the experience of being in a small class and this allows the teachers to provide more attention to each student in classrooms. ThisBeing a member of a small class is important for me because small classesit allows more participation and interaction and it also encourages the student-professor relationship, giving me the opportunity to feel more comfortable talking to them outside of class. Nevertheless, academics are not the only reason I wish to attend to Bates College.
The extracurricular activities and the campus life is also an important aspect of Bates that calls my attention.
Being in a small school in which I can meet people and get to know them and establishing connections with diverse people is really important for me. I want to be a part of an inclusive community which does not only care only about academics but also about other human relations. From the experiences I've had, I can tell that an organization that provides a more supportive environment for the racial, ethnic, religious, and economic diversity, have more to offer to me that the ones that dowho don't care about them . I believe that Bates would give me the chance to get to know the people with different ideologies from whom I can learn and develop my skills and knowledge and therefore expand my global perspective. Furthermore, it would give me the opportunity to transmit my ideas and principles to other people my ideas and principles , that are congruent to the principles of Bates. I strongly believe that attending to Bates College would be an experience of holistic and integral formation that would promote my intellectual and personal growth. Attending to Bates would be an experience that would open me the doors to many other opportunities that would allow me to make a more transcendental impact on me and the people around me.
I just correct some words, hope this helps!
I think it's pretty long, and I guess they say that we have to write "one or two paragraphs",,, so maybe you can cut some and make it much better!
By the way, I'm also an intl student(I'm from Japan), and I'll apply for Bates, too!!!! You must spend hard time for finish your essay I suppose (yeah, me either!)
Hope we both will get in....!! :)