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Intramurals. Amateur Astronomers Association. Theater. The question is, what can't NYU offer me?


Sakifarhan 2 / 2  
Dec 21, 2014   #1
Hi, Guys. I would really appreciate some feedback on my NYU supplemental essay. Please be brutally honest, as I want to make sure the essay is as close to perfection as possible. The prompt is:

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)

He looked at me, completely bemused, when I could not tell him what my permanent home address was. I could not blame him for his reaction. Every kid knew his or her address. Truth is, I simply did not know. This particular event took place when I was in the fourth grade, and by then, I had already been to five schools in different parts of the world. I have already had more addresses than some people do in their lifetime. Yet, none of them could be considered permanent.

Up until the age of twelve when my father decided to settle down so I can complete my secondary years in one school, I had travelled all over the world. I have been exposed to several different cultures and have met people from all corners of the globe. This exposure has allowed me to broaden my mind and has allowed me to respect beliefs and other ways of life.

NYU's mission statement states that NYU wants "to promote... ...an inclusive and diverse community." I believe that I will be able to add to this diverse community and provide another fresh set of lens to view the world with. By travelling the world, I have become open-minded, and I believe I can be a positive addition to NYU's diverse cultures.

Intramurals. Amateur Astronomers Association. Theater. The question is, what can't NYU offer me? In my eyes, NYU offers a unique university lifestyle in an urban setting - something that I yearn. NYU's setting has allowed for a diverse student body to be formed. This is something I can consider a privilege to be a part of. From Greek life to varsity fencing to Tisch film courses. Students in NYU are exposed to an infinite amount of opportunities both academically and socially.

NYU encourages individuality through its Liberal Studies Program and Gallatin School of Individualized Study. Infused with global focus and a multicultural understanding, these programs can offer a student to develop skills for success in today's interconnected world. These programs of study truly makes NYU a unique place for academics and it produces holistic learners - something I aspire to be.

To sum up, NYU will offer me an unrivalled education, it will offer me a chance to interact with people of diverse cultures, and it will open the doors to a brighter future.
rtan05 5 / 32 3  
Dec 21, 2014   #2
Focus more on what you can OFFER NYU than the circumstance which have led you to what you can offer.

Instead of saying "this exposure.." you could say " I have traveled around the world .... in my ventures, I have gained a global perspective..." something like that.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 21, 2014   #3
Your essay sounds more like the brochure for the university than a well thought out response essay. Here is what I think you should do. Actually think of the course offerings and extra curricular activities that you look forward to attending and participating in. Discuss those for the "What does NYU have to offer you" part of the essay. After that, analyze yourself on a separate piece of paper. Think of the extra special qualities and traits as a student, friend, and possible mentor that you have which you can share with the academic and student resident community of NYU. These will be your responses to the "What can you offer NYU" portion of the prompt. Combine the two in a new essay and you should have developed a proper response to the essay prompt :-)


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