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"introduced to Economics" - trouble with flow of my statement of purpose for UTexas


therhyno 2 / 2  
Jan 18, 2011   #1
[b]Prompt: Statement of Purpose

I definitely feel that the introduction could use some work and I also think that the whole thing feels too rigid. If you have any ideas on how to help the overall flow, or anything at all, it would be greatly appreciated!

Although I have only recently been introduced to Economics, it was immediately clear that it contained the perfect balance of science and art that I desire in a major. With a degree in Economics from the University of Texas, I would undoubtedly be a valuable member of any business team. The variety that an Economics degree brings with it would be vital in the pursuit of a career following graduation, and having a degree from the University of Texas would brandish the level of stature that I aspire to. I feel that the experiences I have acquired would add to the overall diversity of UT and make me an ideal candidate for admission.

Working as a Guest Service Supervisor has not only offered me the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the business environment, but it has provided me with experiences which facilitated important interaction and communication with others. Teamwork is a pivotal part of the Guest Service department of a hotel, and the only way to keep it running smoothly. It is my job to lead the team in such a way that maintains the satisfaction of our guests as well as each individual team member. It is these experiences that I feel have greatly influenced my leadership capabilities as well as my dedication to teamwork and tasks at hand.

Teaching English in Spain provided me with a unique cultural perspective and a much needed segue into furthering my education. During a time when the U.S. was undergoing its most recent economic turmoil, I acquired first hand experience of the effects on a global scale. The economic downturn led to less spending on seemingly erroneous costs, such as the luxury of learning English, which in turn limited the amount of my income and ultimately my time spent abroad. However, the change of environments was exactly what I needed to reevaluate my goals, and the TEFL program provided the scholastic atmosphere that led to rejuvenating my interests in furthering my education.

Austin Community College has catered to my changing discipline and proved itself as the perfect stepping-stone for my educational ambitions. Changing majors is common among college students and I am no exception to that fact. I began with the desire to pursue Graphic Design, but I quickly found a budding interest in math and business. Not wanting to ignore my strength in creativity, my goal became to find an area of study that encompassed math and business as well as the arts. In my research I found economics to be just that.

Growing up around the influence of the University of Texas has always made it my college of choice. Furthermore, its prestige and core values make it the perfect school to achieve my aspirations of attaining a Bachelors degree, and I am anxious to prove myself with the challenge that UT offers. A Bachelors degree in Economics from UT would offer a solid foundation for a broad range of opportunities and the first step afterwards would be to pursue a Masters. Ultimately, utilizing UT's vast network of resources, I would strive to secure an internship where I would pursue a career as an analyst that would further challenge as well as motivate me.
ameddy 1 / 4  
Jan 18, 2011   #2
Hi! I'd say right now you have some solid base work for your statement. A general rule in writing is "show, don't tell." You may want to consider citing specific incidents that exemplify your positive characteristics.

For example, "Working as a Guest Service Supervisor has not only offered me the opportunity to expand my knowledge of the business environment, but it has provided me with experiences which facilitated important interaction and communication with others."

Give an example of a time when communication and teamwork was vital to your success in this position. How will this lend to you being a valuable member of the community?


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