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'As an introvert' - a person essay is past boyfriend appropriate?

madison_mattox 1 / -  
Jan 31, 2012   #1
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence

"Will you lend me a dollar?" the small boy spoke hurriedly, so that his request sounded more like a demand.
"No," I retorted with some suspicion "I don't even know you."
"Oh," his voice suddenly softened "I'm Willie, and I'll be your best friend if you just give me a dollar. I promise I'll pay you back. Please."

In those brief moments in the middle of the cafeteria, all the logic, all the rules, and all the precision of my life instantly vanished. Normally, I would not have given money to a complete stranger, but Willie's display of confidence was unlike anything I had ever seen. He intrigued me to the point where I wanted to know everything about him. I handed over the single bill in hopes that it would secure a new friendship. Willie and I eventually did come to know everything about each other, and in the process, he taught how to be comfortable with myself and other people.

As an introvert, I had always found my personal interests to be more stimulating and rewarding than other things. Because I was so wrapped up in my inner world, I became negligent toward the external environment and the people it contained. By the time I reached high school, however, I was made increasingly aware that my solitude had evolved into lonliness. The others that were my age were able to establish connections with one another in no time at all, what stopped me from doing the same?

In retrospect, I suppose I kept myself locked up until I found someone who was worthy, someone who made me feel important and accepted. Willie constantly probed me with questions: questions about my ambitions, questions about my childhood, and even questions about how my day was going. Without even realizing it, I was willingly shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with him. It was the first time in my life that I was able to express my opinion without being criticized, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Vulnerability was never something I was good at, but it was worth the risk if it led me to happiness. Although Willie and I are no longer together, his presence looms over me every day, in my every interaction. By following his example, I now have the courage to express myself to other people in an honest and passionate manner.
unjh4545 4 / 11  
Jan 31, 2012   #2

I like your essay. well-written and has clear point.
If I were you, I might add something about what you want to do when you get into a college.
Like you want to join certain club or sorority and what not.... Because you are now more comfortable making friends, you want to expand that while at college...

good luck !!

p.s. can you look at my post as well?? (the newest one) I do need to clarify some things and I am having hard time... :(
Athena - / 83 3  
Feb 1, 2012   #3
Hey Madison,

I really like your essay. It's so well-written and expressed, at the same time conveys the key points.
Just a suggestion, but maybe you could add more on how this influence has had a profound impact on you in a positive way - Describe the change in your character/How it's made you confident/outspoken/etc.

Also mention a line or two about how this impact will help you at the college that your applying if selected.

Cheers and Good Luck!

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