Investigating the wonders of biology; University of Illinois App Essay - MAJOR

Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you've had to that area of study and/or your future career goals. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

Investigating the wonders of biology has always been more like unfolding a story for me than tediously studying the subject. The summer before my junior year I took a Molecular Medicine at Oxford. The teacher, a researcher, taught the class by explaining the various past research projects. Each class was oddly reminiscent of kindergarten story time, where everyone gathers around the teacher to listen to that day's tale. Even without understanding every detail, I found myself tuning in like an eager six year old rather than a confused or bored student. Being the only science that directly concentrates on the workings of life, biology holds a certain magic to it.

During my junior year of high school I was actually able to be a part of this magic when I job-shadowed a neonatal nurse. I hadn't even expected to have much contact with patients when I was pulled into a room bustling with activity. A baby was about to be delivered. A nurse handed me a pair of gloves and told me to sit down on the spot if I suddenly felt faint, but she needn't have worried-I felt incredibly lucky just to be in the room. When I was actually able to push on the patient's leg during labor and hold the newborn, I was overjoyed. To be part of a successful delivery was more of an honor than I could have ever imagined.

This experience exemplifies the reason why I am impartial towards the study of life. While there is plenty to discover in both physics and chemistry, biology focuses on how life is governed at a molecular level. To me, understanding life seems to be as profound as it gets. Unlike any other science, the study of biology is an active endeavor to uncover the mysteries of life in ways that directly and tangibly help people. Nothing excites me more than the prospect of participating in the subject that can improve lives everywhere.

Words: 327

Please help!

Here's my take. All in all a well written essay.

Perhaps something along the lines of:
"Unlike other sciences, the findings of biological studies directly result from the pursuit to ensure (or promote) the welfare of human beings (or patients)." (I think this gets you down below 300 also, or at least quite near) That's all I've got. Good Luck :)