Common app prompt:Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
Right now its 830 words i think i need to get it down to about 750
any feedback would be really helpfuL! THANKS!!
What does it mean to be Irish? As a first generation Irish-American, I have continuously struggled with this question. When I was a child it was simple. The answer could be summed up in one of my mom's old Irish sayings, "Here's to me, and here's to you. And here's to love and laughter." Being Irish was like a party, filled with dancing, loud music, and St. Paddy's Day parades. One summer when I was eight, this perception of a "happy-go-lucky" culture came crumbling down. We were traveling from the West of Ireland to the North, where my parents and I were met British soldiers at the border . They forcefully searched our car. Scared, I asked, "Dad, did we do something wrong?" "No," he replied. "Those lads just think they can search us because we're Irish." In that moment, I realized that to be Irish meant more than dancing, music, and parades. I discovered there were secrets and a history of my heritage to unveil, and from that point I became dedicated to finding the truth. Where did I come from? Why did my family come to America? How can I fulfill the legacy of my Irish family heritage?
Dad tried to brush off my sudden curiosity in my Irish heritage, but I was persistent. Finally, he told me his story. My father was born a Catholic in Northern Ireland in a town called Crossmaglen-- a hot bed for The Troubles. The Connolly's considered themselves Irish, though they lived in British territory. They had fought for Ireland, and they had died for Ireland. They endured bombs, shootings, protests, and house raids, and watched their Irish countryside transform into a war zone.
I discovered my dad was not a passive Irishman-he actively supported his beliefs. When my dad was my age, instead of preparing for college, he marched for his freedom. Three years later, as The Troubles worsened, he was forced to immigrate. I was struck by my father's courage in the face of hardships and my image of Ireland as a place of perpetual joy was replaced with an image of violence and tragedy. I now had to reconcile this tragic Ireland with the joyful Ireland I grew up with.
My dad's escape coupled by my mom's separate immigration from County Mayo, laid the foundation for a new chapter of Connolly history in America. My parents worked hard to build a better life for me, despite having no more than a grade school education. Their hardships have given me my inspiration to succeed. As a result, I place a high value on my education. In school, I realize that I am not like my classmates who have their parents there to help them with their schoolwork. I have taken that disadvantage and turned it into an academic strength. I am a keenly independent student, and I excel at "teach-yourself' type classes. My older sister and three older brothers, who have achieved successful careers in engineering, medicine, and education, have carved out a path to success that I labor to emulate, while remaining true to my own ambitions and interests. With many opportunities and sources of inspiration, I possess all the tools I need to fulfill my own "American dream."
Another lesson I drew from hearing my father's childhood story is acceptance. His story gave me a new awareness of the world. I recognized that the world is not as simple and happy as I had once thought. I learned from my father how damaging the effects of social discord has been on the people I love and, as a result, accepting those who are different from me or do not share my beliefs has become an important part of my life. I choose to commute two hours a day to attend the St. Ignatius College Prep in the heart of Chicago because is the most diverse school I have access to. At St. Ignatius I am president of Club Erin, a club founded upon the celebration of Irish heritage. As leader, I have worked to make Club Erin more than an "Irish club." I have dedicated Club Erin to the promotion of diversity and the learning of other cultures. Club Erin includes members from a wide range of ethnic backgrounds, showcasing the unity of my school's diversity.
My father's story and The Troubles have instilled in me the values of determination in the face of hardship and the desire for peace amongst all individuals. While I do love to embrace the fun-loving parts of Irish culture, I have realized I cannot be a passive Irish woman. It is my duty to my family to be a person of action and pride. I am not afraid to stand for my beliefs. My parents immigrated to America, worked hard at manual labor jobs, and they have built a successful business from scratch. Their lives have given me the foundation to now write my own chapter to this proud Connolly history.
It's really good! However, I think it would be better if you limited the describing of stereotypical irish people with all the Guiness draughts, but focus on the hardships your family faced..specifically what about it made you who you are now, and why it makes you stand out among other common app people.
The introduction has potential to be something amazing. But the first sentence doesn't strike any interest in me. It was only through reading on did I find this piece inspiring. Perhaps instead of asking: "Where did I come from? Why did my family come to America? How can I fulfill the legacy of my Irish family heritage?", limit that to one sentence about questions flooding your mind, questions that suddenly strike your inquisitiveness.
Here you say, "Dad tried to brush off my sudden curiosity in my Irish heritage, but I was persistent. Finally, he told me his story."
Perhaps mention how persistent you were. Research? Irish studies? Days spent in pouring over books in the library?
not sure if i can elaborate more on how persistant i was due to my 800+ word count, but ill try!
Hi Erin, you can cut out content as you change the focus slightly. All this writing is very good, and I hate to ask you to cut any of it, but you have to, because this is supposed to be about an issue of significance... an issue. Like an injustice occurring in your town, an international policy that you think is unfair, a problem that needs to be solved, etc. What is a PROBLEM that needs to be solved for Irish American immigrants?
Focus on a problem, and name it as the ISSUE OF CONCERN. Name it as the issue somewhere in paragraph #1
:-)
