1. If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
The irony of suffering
Suffering in life can sometimes be just the thing a person needs. Can you possibly imagine a life without struggles? People wouldn't know how to handle devastating situations, or any situation for that matter. All throughout my childhood I had been ill advised on all of the false indications of how perfect everything in life was. Unfortunately I learned quickly that the deceitful beauties in life are really only the makeup covering the realities that people face day to day. Certainly if people go through struggles they will become tenacious as they realize that they are not threatened by personal growth experiences. If and when faced with obstacles in life, people tend to become superior through the experience.
It was when my father and brother died that I comprehended the perception of a difficult encounter becoming essential in life. My mom and I went through the most devastating time in our lives after this tragedy. Although it seemed as if our lives as we knew it were over, we decided to make the best of what we were left with. I had already joined the volunteer program at Baptist hospital and so with time I was back and volunteering again. I have now been there since 2007 and I am planning a mission with a local church group to accumulate goods and supplies in order to help other families that are less fortunate than my own.
This situation has definitely influenced who I am today. My dream has always been to bring life into this world to replace those who were less fortunate. Intending on going to medical school to become an obstetrician, I would want nothing else than to study at an institution as fine as the University of Central Florida. With its broad-based education and experience-based learning I know that I will get the opportunities that I so deliberately crave.
Hi Lauren,
Your essay is definitely heart-felt, indeed! I must tell you that there was the start of a small tear in my eye as I continued to read the essay past the part when your father and your brother met their demise. You did not explain how they met their deaths, however, and I was wondering if this was too much for you to explain at this point in your life. ??
In any event, I didn't find any errors that needed correcting in your essay. I am sure that it took a lot out of you just to sit down and write the essay. You are definitely and apparently a very dedicated person because of the trauma that you and your mother have experienced. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
--Mark :)
You are correct on the reason why I did not explain their deaths. Although I was wondering if you think it is important that I provide that information in order to assist my essay ?
Other than that, thank you so much for your feedback! You have truly brought hope to my eyes.
I am very happy to know that my essay can touch others.
-Lauren ann (:
hyphen
ill-advised
I really love the energy of this piece of writing as I read the first paragraph...
It was when my father and brother died that I ...oh... now I see where the energy is coming from. Pain causes a lot of good writing.
...comprehended the perception of a difficult encounter becoming ...
Less fortunate is a cliche... maybe you can say that in a clever way instead.
Intending on going to---I think you should write, "Intending to go" instead.
...so deliberately crave. --- This is a unique expression... hmmm... I don't know how I feel about it. It seems like I ... I guess I think that something someone craves is... argh! I guess I don't like it. Sorry. Ha ha... if you like it, keep it.
Add more detail about your action plan for these coming years. That is the most important part, I think. I hope you have lots of success!!
I am all for what Kevin has said. This is a really powerful essay and I love it! Your voice definitely shines through too.
My small tips:
"...joined the volunteer program at Baptist hospital and so with time I was back and volunteering again . I have nowbeen(I would change this verb into something stronger) there since 2007..."
"Intending on(I find this phrase a little awkward) going to medical school to become an obstetrician, I would want..."
Great essay and focus. :)
And if you have time, I'd love to hear your feedback for my Common App essay. You're a great writer and I bet you'd provide great advice - which I need. Haha. :]
