Instruction- Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
I know it may have grammar errors, those corrections are helpful too. Please help !
There is only one place that can take away the stress of my responsibilities at school. Here the beach, energetic city and welcoming people allow me to be perfectly content in spite of these responsibilities. This place is Barbados, the birth place of my father.
The island greets me with a gush of the warm Caribbean air, followed by an entourage of my family members. Usually my family would stay in a house near the beach, where we would stay for only a few hours a day. I would wake up every day early in the morning to walk to the beach for a swim or a short reading session. The crystal blue ocean and the soft sand provide a remarkable scenery for relaxation. Whether it is swimming with the tropical fish or reading to the sound of the waves crashing into the shore that is most comforting to me, I will never know. However, what I do know is that whenever the thoughts of my responsibilities back home in New York try to drift to the surface of my mind, the Barbados beach takes me back to a place of serenity.
When away from the coast and all its beauty, I find myself at the heart of the island, Oistins. This vibrant town is located on the southern coast of the island. Oistins is the center of tourist attractions because it brings to each person a sense of belonging. Although far away from home, this tourist attraction is very much a reminder of Sunday dinners as Grandma's. The home cooked meals serve the stomach as well as the heart. The lively music and the dancing makes me feel a part of something bigger than myself. This small community helps me to embrace the culture and people of the island; this alone is a big factor in finding my inner peace.
Before I culminate the end of my journey, I take a visit to the northern part of the island where my family resides. I am welcomed with large plates of food, warm smiles, and long hugs. My cousins question me about life in the United State and I ask about teenage life on the island. We catch up on old times, play games, and listen to the most popular music in the Caribbean. To me, there is nothing in the world that can replace the joy that family brings. Majority of my father's family still lives in Barbados, whenever I visit I feel as if a part of me has been made whole.
By the end of my visit to Barbados I realize that it is not the large responsibilities that I need to worry about, but rather the small ones to myself that make the difference. Whenever I go to Barbados it is necessary for me to leave behind the worries of tomorrow and embrace the joys of today. I leave those worries behind either with the fish at beach, on the dance floor in Oistins or at the doorstep of my grandmother's house, but I can never take them back to New York.
Hmm, I would definitely not use "responsibilities" throughout your essay. You come across as sort of lazy and it seems like you're trapped in this fantastical paradise where you can ignore your commitments. If you used another word, maybe just replace responsibility with stress (but explain what kind of stress, don't talk about bailing on homework but maybe avoiding unnecessary high school drama) then it wouldn't seem like such a bad thing. I think you need to discuss why your life is overwhelming in the first place, because right now it sounds like you haven't just let go of your responsibilities in Barbados, it sounds like you've let go of them entirely. It could work if you reword the sentence about how "whenever your responsibilities of New York drift to the surface of your mind" to emphasize how it fills you with panic and Barbados keeps you calm.
Instead of focusing on the physical aspects of Barbados like the scenery and swimming with the fish, you might want to incorporate rather the memories of the time you spent there and state that that is why you feel content there. It would be a very nice play to say that memories of family time at Barbados keep you sane in spite of all the stressful things in New York. Instead of saying that you leave your worries behind, it'd be a cool twist to instead mention how you bring the serenity of Barbados with you no matter where you are.
Your last paragraph is slightly confusing and I think you need to elaborate on what the small and large responsibilities are. Instead of "it is necessary" you could say "I am reminded".
At the end, I'm still sort of confused as to why Barbados. Why isn't your place of contentment another beach? Why is it different from a spa in New York? Try highlighting a few differences between Barbados and New York further, it may help.
I think your essay needs to focus more on you. I feel like I've been to Barbados myself and met your cousins and had dinner at your Grandma's, but I still have no idea who you are, your personality, what's unique about you, etc. It's a personal statement and it needs to be personal so that colleges know that you're right for them.
Try reading your essay out loud, it helps to catch repetitive words and ideas. Good work, you're well on your way! :)
