issue of importance (Multiple sclerosis)-needs editting and some points

Personal Essay 2
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

"Multiple sclerosis a term I wasn't aware of until my cousin's wife was diagnosed of it. She was diagnosed of it a year after her marriage in the year 2002. ever since she has been suffering from this disease. Since it wasnt widely addressed in India, my family was unaware of this disease. My aunt and uncle went through a traumatic condition at first as they were unaware of such a disease. I was in grade 5 when I found out that my my cousin's wife was ill. She loved the company of children and was a very active person. At first I thought she was going to be alright. It took me two years to figure out that it was going to be there forever.

My cousin was very supportive from the beginning. But my aunt and uncle were afraid of their son's future. they thought that it was a contagious disease and her life was endangered. As a young girl I was shocked at first at the reaction of the people around me. They seemed quiet oblivious to the fact that a young girl at her twenty's was suffering from a disease which is rare in India. the doctors weren't able to explain the cause and effect of the disease and said it could be due to genetic disorder. The development in medical field wasn't as profound as it is today in India. her situation worsened within a period of time. During the beginning stages she didn't have frequent nervous attacks and was able to walk and talk clearly. However the doctors prescribed her of steroids at an early stage which made her very weak internally. She used to get muscle spasms and at times unable to swallow food. Yet she never had a frown on her face. She was ever charming and cheered up when she saw us around. We both loved each others company and it hurt me to see her in such a condition. She was cornered in her bed and her body was as stiff as a stick. She couldn't move her hands or feet and was constricted to the four walls of the room. She got up just to use the restroom and had to use a wheel chair to move around.

I couldn't bare to see my cousin and his wife suffering like this. My cousin had to portray to be strong so that he could assure her that everything would be alright. People around us thought she was going to die soon and it was something like cancer. They started persuading my cousin to get remarried and. It was then I realised how such an issue needed to be addressed. I was shocked at their irrational behaviour. However my cousin gave no ear for such comments and continued to support her. She is still suffering from it but the support of her family and husband cheer her up.

thanks!

You talk a lot about the various misconceptions your cousin's wife's relatives had about the disease, without telling the reader much about the way the disease actually works. This is a weakness in the essay, as you should not assume that your readers will know anything about MS themselves. Some of them will, of course, but you shouldn't count on it.

A couple of grammatical points:

"Multiple sclerosis a term I wasn't aware of until my cousin's wife was diagnosed with it. " This should be changed throughout.

"I couldn't bear to see my cousin and his wife suffering like this."