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Some issues of personal concern and its importance to you


LSC33 1 / 1 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #1
PROMPT: Discuss some issue of personal, local, or international concern and its importance to you.
Child Abuse

An issue of personal concern to me is child abuse. That is why I am passionate to pursue the field of human services with embedded psychology. In the state of Vermont alone over 763,000 children were victims of child abuse in 2011(National Children's Alliance). For those children and for children all around the world I want to be the support and trust they need to get through such a traumatic experience. Child abuse is a concern that is important to me because I want to make a difference in children's lives by being a support system to them. By becoming a part of Lyndon State Colleges human services program I know I can become this support system for children who are being abused.

From past experiences I know that abuse, whether it is physical or sexual, can make a huge impact on a child's life. Many children who are abused do not tell anyone about their experiences because they are scared. They are scared of not being believed by a loved one or they are have no one to turn to because it is their loved one. So they hide their secret but that secret sometimes can eat away at a child. I know how scary that can be and how much help it takes to get out of that situation. In fact, later in life it can cause many problems like depression. Many people in my family have experienced depression and that situation has come out with fatal endings. To stop this from happening to children, I want to become a child abuse worker so that I can be a support system to them. I want to be there to help the child at the beginning so that depression can be prevented for them later on in life. I can help children who are scared and help them get help before they grow up depressed. That is why it is important to me to become a part of the human services program with embedded psychology. Not only will I learn how to help people in this way, but I will also be able to better understand what is going on psychologically for them.

At Lyndon State College I know I will become a successful child abuse worker because of the human services program they have to offer. The human services program will give me the strong leadership skills I need to become the best child abuse worker I can become. This program will give me the strong analytical skills I need to give my services in diverse fields of work. Also, by analyzing my strengths and weaknesses I will learn more about myself so that I can be there for the children out there who need me to be. Because of the human services with embedded psychology I will not only be able to help abused children but I will also be able to understand psychological thoughts processes they are having. To become a successful child abuse worker I will need all of the skills that the program at Lyndon State College has to offer. Also, human servces offers a course called Responding to Psychological Trauma. This course will help me understand how to help not only children but other people that suffer life changing events. These integrated programs will help me shine in the real world.

As you can see, by becoming an addition to the human services program at Lyndon State College I can become a support system for children who are being abused. This is important because without this type of support many children could grow up becoming depressed.
nounoub21 3 / 11 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #2
I think it sounds great. You say from past experiences. I don't want to get into too much detail but since you don't mention any incidents I am not sure if you should put that. However, I think you are trying to get them to understand that you can relate and that is why you will do great as a child services worker, so it is ok I guess.
alilsushi 1 / 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #3
LSC33
They are scared of not being believed by a loved one or they are have no one to turn to because it is their loved one. So they hide their secret but that secret sometimes can eat away at a child. ---> these two sentences confused me a lot, you might want to express they in a clearer way

... help them get help before they grow up depressed---> maybe you want to replace one of the help with the word assist.
This course will help me understand how to help not only children but other people that suffer life changing events.---> same here
... I will also be able to better understand what is going on psychologically for them. ---> this sentence is awkward, write it in a more formal way.

This program will give me the strong analytical skills I need to give my services in diverse fields of work. ---> is not that it's illegal to use the same word twice in one sentence, but try to avoid it by using another term to better express your thoughts.

...be able to understand their psychological thoughts and the process they are having---> i guess

I really like your essay idea and your job, its something really nice and significant to become! Hope you will success with your dreams in the future.

Anyways back to the essay, it seems kind of sloppy and everywhere to me! If you can change some of your sentences to be more solid it would be wonderful.

And I am working on the same prompt too, thank you for your great example.


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