James did it all but never stopped cutting.
An individual that has truly influenced me is, as unconventional as it seems, my barber, James, who spends no more than thirty minutes cutting my hair at a time. Although he is my barber, I think of him more as a mentor, and it may seem unusual to have a barber be your mentor but I suppose who we choose as our mentors in life is up to destiny.
What makes him truly significant is that, he does not force suggestions onto me nor does he just lightly advise me. He gives me the freedom and independence to make my own decisions, but at the same time he acts as my guide. When stumbling through the forest of countless decisions we make each day, He will act as a Little Dipper or North Star; that does not show the path but points me in the right direction.
We are faced with challenges that drain the energy of our bodies and minds, and more often than not, we imagine our lives if we chose the easier path in the forest. When talking to James, I explain these issues, whether it be the Band concert, or the labs due in a few days, or the events my clubs are planning, or even the community project that I need to help finish. He understands the weight of the predicament and has always talked softly but with such meaning in his words, he may as well be giving a presidential speech. He will say, "Well listen! You have lasted this long so it shouldn't be a problem for you of all people. You made a commitment to them and, more importantly, yourself. Now you know I would never let you down, so don't let me down by letting yourself down. You're a bright kid and I can't tell you things will get easier from because they won't. they will definitely get harder but the question here is, will you stick with it until the end despite it all, or take the easy way out?". Even after the fact, his words echo through my mind to this day. His words are what have strengthened me over the years and made me so enduring.
Determination and Courage are two different virtues that can open a multitude of opportunities for our future; whether we act on them, or not, is a different matter. I've learned that these two virtues can determine the course of our lives, and that whether we reach our full potential, or not, is determined by them. When making the everyday decisions of life, we are always tempted to take the easy way out, even though we know it may not benefit us. When exercising determination, we are inspired to reach our goals and renew our conviction, and while realizing courage, we do not fear the obstacles that lie ahead but embrace them. The combination of these two, guide us to the path that we know we must take to better ourselves, and that we know is right. Although, James is not with us anymore, I still see the Little Dipper he left for me in that forest.
James did it all but never stopped cutting.- nice first sentence.
Although he is my barber, I think of him more as a mentor, and it may seem unusual to have a barber be your mentor but I suppose who we choose as our mentors in life is up to destiny. - you said mentor three times in this sentence alone. It sounds repetitive.
he does not force suggestions onto me nor does he just lightly advise me
He gives me the freedom and independence to make my own decisions, but at the same time he acts as my guide. - how does he guide you if he does not give you advice? contradiction. freedom and independence mean the same thing, no need to use both.
North Star; that does not - remove the ;
We are faced with challenges that drain the energy from our bodies and minds
When talking to James, I explain these issues, whether it be the Band concert, or the labs due in a few days, or the events my clubs are planning, or even the community project that I need to help finish. - cut this sentence down some.
find a way to make the 4th paragraph flow after the 3rd
I like the ending of your essay as well.
Please read my edited Northwestern essay
First of all, you can cut phrases like "as unconventional as it seems" and "it may seem unusual" that do nothing but purposefully stretch the originality of your essay. We can see that premise of your work is unconventional: pointing it to us is just unnecessary.
That aside, you unfortunately seemed to convert a decently interesting idea into an incredibly boring essay. I mean, its cool that you've looked to your barber for guidance, but when all he does is give boring, patriarchal advice, you might as well have just written your essay on a parent.
