What matters to you, and why? (2000 character limit)
On March 11th 2011, a magnitude 9.0 earthquake shook Japan. This earthquake, along with the tsunami that followed, proved to be devastating for this small yet powerful country. What hit hardest, however, was the nuclear disaster. This was no longer something that they could not control. Japanese technology had failed to keep the Japanese people safe. For a people whose values are founded on honor, this catastrophe was a devastating loss of pride.
My grandmother is eighty-five years old. Her name is Kazuko Ohara and she lived through World War II and the bombing of Tokyo. She was one of the few women who went to college in her time and became a Russian/Japanese translator. "Babashu" was a very strong, independent woman. As a child, I remember her as a great grandmother: she would visit us here in the U.S. regularly, and one of my most memorable experiences with her was the day my little brother was born and my older brother and I were waiting in the hospital with her. Anxious to meet our little brother, but still needing to wait, Babashu bought us both beanie babies. I still have mine and am reminded of this moment whenever I see it.
Today, we call her regularly, but since the earthquake, she has slowly been losing her memory and her health problems have been increasing. She lives in Tokyo, two hundred miles away from the epicenter, but she tells me "it's still shaking". Nine months later.
Kazuko Ohara is one among many. The earthquake and what followed were obviously disasters on their own, but they caused yet another one. They had a huge toll on the psychological state of the Japanese people, especially seniors.
So, if you were to ask me what matters to me, I would tell you that many things do, but for now, what matters most is my "Babashu" and the pain that the Japanese are going through. Although there is not much I can do for these people and I cannot claim to understand what they are going through, what I can do is help out my grandmother who has always been the sweetest to me. I would really like to go visit my grandmother and take care of her before it is too late and I am planning on doing so next summer.
Hi, you have done a great job! Your paper is very well-done. I can try to help with a few things:
This was no longer something that they could not control. You could say: "This was no longer a situation that they could control." Or "They could no longer control the outcome of this disaster." (Although I wonder whom you mean when you say "they"-- Japanese people, officials?)
For a people whose values are founded on honor, this catastrophe was a devastating loss of pride. Excellent. You make a good point here.
"Babashu" was a very strong, independent woman. You say "was..." The reader may interpret this statement as: she "used to be strong, and is not anymore." Of course, she is quite old now, but she must still have her strong, fighting spirit. Also, you mention after that, she is your great-grandmother, you should make it clearer that first you describe gramma, then you describe great-gramma.
As a child, I remember her as a great grandmother: she would visit us here in the U.S. regularly, and one of my most memorable experiences with her was the day my little brother was born and my older brother and I were waiting in the hospital with her. Begin a new sentence with: "one of my most memorable experiences..."
I hope this helps, I wanted to help make your paper a bit easier to read. Good luck in school!
