Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
When I showed up to try out for the soccer team at the Don Juan Middle School, I had my doubts. The field was small, and grass was dug out here and there. The soccer goals were rusted and did not have nets. Twelve players, barely the required number for a proper team, practiced before me with much energy and laughter.
I had just arrived in the United States from Seoul and did not speak a word in English. In Seoul, I had lost my passion for soccer because my coach beat us up whenever we lost or made a mistake even during a practice. Soccer was no longer the same sport I played when I was 10 years old. At one point, I hated it so much that I started to avoid practices and games, telling all kinds of excuses to my coach. Basically, I had given up on soccer. But since no coach would beat up his players in America, and I figured it would be a good opportunity to make to new friends, I said "why not?" The tryout was easy; my new coach Jean Paul asked me if I liked soccer and I lied and said yes.
I was in."J.P.," as he was known, was my first coach in this country. In addition to the fact that he seemed not to care much about winning and competing, he was seventy years old with gray hair and a chubby belly that betrayed his standing as an athlete. He had come from Amsterdam only a few years before I did, and his English was so clumsy that even I noticed it. We were not exactly the best communicators; when he wanted to point out a problem in my defending, he would shuffle sideways, jump, and run around. The funny thing was, he coached the whole team this way, not just me.
While he would start by shouting out directions, by the end he would always be running around like a madman- jumping, swinging his leg, shaking his head, sprinting and stopping to demonstrate what was wrong with our play. If my shot went way off the goal, he would stop the practice and demonstrate his purposely-correct form over and over again until I showed him by shaking my head that I really got it. When I made a shot that went straight to the goalkeeper, he would always say, "That's his lunch," and pretend he was eating the ball. Even though I did not understand a word he said, his loud voice and the emotion he showed spoke to me.
Somehow, I loved being coached by him. I loved it not because I learned more about the technical side of the game; I loved it because it brought a new energy to my passion for soccer. Also, I idolized him not only because he had impassioned me, but also because he had proved me that one could speak to the other's heart very clearly without English. Language was the wall that had separated me from this new society. However, within a month, J.P. had dismantled it. Since then, I do not feel hesitant to befriend someone for language barrier. He might not had been the best coach when it came to tactics or teaching us how to play as a team. However, he had been the best coach in my life that deep-rooted my passion for soccer and demolished the barrier against the new society.
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He might not have been the best coach when it came to tactics or teaching us how to play as a team, but he had been the best coach in my life that deep-rooted my passion for soccer and demolished the barrier against the new society.
Good, now take another look at the question: What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
Now, try to find three sentences that are not necessary, and delete them. Doing that always makes an essay more powerful. After that, add a paragraph to DIRECTLY answer the question What about this makes you proud, makes you who you are?
Even if you don't make any change at all, it is already a great essay!
Kevin
