For the USF application, you are required to compose a 1-2 page essay about yourself that tells us how you will help the University to carry out its mission:
Our vision, mission and values statement is the best expression of USF's mission. It's a detailed and carefully constructed document, but what it boils down to is relatively simple: USF exists to provide a rigorous, world-class education to a new generation of leaders, who will work to create a more humane and just world.
When I was reading the prompt something just clicked to me and I remembered myself when I was little. As I was growing up, religion has, in some way, been a part in my life. My Grandmother was a very religious catholic woman and she would always encourage my family to go to church. Yet despite her hearten words, we insisted on not going. While I was little I would always remember falling asleep during seminar churches and I never really understood religion. I would wonder on the actions we took in disregarding my grandmother's words in insisting on going to church with her but then I later realized that we were jojoba's witnesses. My mother and grandmother both had different views about religion. And both had different kind of religion which at times conflicted with the way I viewed the world. Back when I was pint-sized, we would attend lectures about our religion and I would always nod off. Adolescents have a difficult time concentrating on things relating to adult matters (And to me it seemed like adult matters) and being such an adolescent explained my nodding off. I never took the consideration of what the pastors would tell everyone who gathered at each of the meetings. In my child mind I would think they would brainwash all the adults in to thinking alike; except now do I come to realize the message the pastors would give to the adults: to be kind and honest to one another rather than a life with constant competition and no sincerity. Many people do not realize that religion is a guide in becoming a virtuous human being. Religion played a vital part in my life, whether it is faithfully or giving a message to the others, it is always there. What I hope to accomplish at USF is to shape the world whether it is locally or internationally, by nourishing others to do the same. Lead and others will follow. By taking the first step others will surely follow by example regardless if it is right or wrong. With the intention of doing good; others will definitely follow. USF's mission has already been part of my goals.
Growing up I have always helped my parents in anything they asked me to do. I followed obediently because they were my parents but not just that, it gave me the satisfaction in assisting my parents. By assisting my parents I am able to ease their worries at home and for them to know they can count on me. I love the feeling of helping others and receiving a "Thank You" for the good deed that I have done. The feeling goes beyond the gratification others give me but the contentment that fills in my heart because I know I helped in some way even if it is small. The look others give you and praise mean nothing if I haven't done my job the right way. This goes along with community services.
Many teenagers do not realize that community service is not only good for your graduation requirements but the chance to change and shape those around you, including yourself. That is why I volunteered at Camp Campbell for a week during my sophomore year. I wanted to volunteer there because it gave me the chance to lead and take care of twelve fifth grade girls in the activities that they did. The week that I was there I planted a seed of change with each of the students that I met. Even though I will not be able to see what becomes of them, I know in my heart I made a difference in the lives of those girls. I remember when I went to camp. I had to pay to actually go and the thing that I remember is how my cabin leaders were. And they were not all that fun or active. Therefore I made it my mission to be as lively as I could be because when dealing with kids of that age one has to be. I gave it my best and although I may have looked foolish singing along and dancing to the camp songs; I know that I can look back at that point in my life and say,"The moment has passed and it went well". Being a cabin leader takes a lot of energy out of you but the outcome is rewarding. Besides shaping the girl, I was able to get leadership skills through volunteering. Given it was my first time being a cabin leader, the field teacher encouraged me to continue on a path of leadership to broaden my skills. Which I pursued her counsel and applied myself in a program that was as hard. I was given the opportunity to be part of ELC (Enterprise Leadership Conference) last year which was sponsored by the Rotary Club. A few selected juniors get to attend this seminar and I knew this was another chance to obtain additional skills such as responsibility and leadership potential. The ELC trip only lasted three days but I gained quite a lot of experiences. For one thing, I learned to adapt and lead other students in creating a distinctive product. And I was given the title "CEO" of our company and guided them to the righteous path to success. We had lectures about how business companies produce their items and how much they sell it for in the mornings. And we worked late at night as a group to make progress in our product and brainstormed ideas of how to really catch the attention of the audience with our product. I listened to each of my teammates ideas and we collaborated on a sole purpose. The purpose was to obtain knowledge and skill about businesses by working together in a business like matter. Through this experience, I learned to lead others in addition to managing our time while helping them in achieving success even though we did not win.
University of San Francisco has a straight and set mission in mind: "educate leaders who will fashion a more humane and just world". Although I may not be a Christian one does not need to be religious to consider morality, justice, and humaneness to be worldwide values, which any good person will understand and promote. I know in my heart and soul that I am one of the students to promote the mission of USF. The university's mission will be my mission as well.
Capitalize Catholic.
Hey, I think you have a lot of unimportant sentences near the beginning. I think it gets important here:
"What I hope to accomplish at USF is to shape the world whether it is locally or internationally, by nourishing others to do the same. Lead and others will follow. By taking the first step others will surely follow by example regardless if it is right or wrong. With the intention of doing good; others will definitely follow. USF's mission has already been part of my goals."--- This stuff is great, and it is specific, future-oriented, able to inspire a reader.
But look at the sentences at the beginning of the essay. They get it off to s slow start. See which sentences you can eliminate without messing up the meaning of the essay.
Here is another part where I think you have sentences that repeat the same ideas too much:
Growing up I have always helped my parents in anything they asked me to do. I followed obediently because they were my parents but not just that, it gave me the satisfaction in assisting my parents.
Many teenagers do not realize that community service is not only good for your graduation requirements but the chance to change and shape those around you, including yourself. That is why I volunteered at Camp Campbell for a week This part in bold seems like the best stuff.
But you have a great mastery of language, which makes you write too many sentences. So.. when you revise, cut a few of the players from the team! :-)
