Prompt: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
ESSAY A:
Throughout our lives milestones will placed down that can define who we are. Sometimes, a milestone can be a person that has helped shape our mind and day to day actions. In my case, I have blessed beyond understanding to have been introduced to the person who has changed my life, his name is Jesus Christ. Although I have not met him face to face, Jesus has warped my life goal into helping others instead of only thinking of me.
I had always lived my everyday life simply thinking of myself and searching for my own personal gain. Being raised in church, I knew the simplicities of what was right and wrong, but I never grasped what a true and fulfilling relationship with Jesus would be like. While I was in eighth grade, I only thought of myself and although I went to church, all I cared about were the "cool" friends I started to gain and trying to become popular. During that year, my thoughts were judgmental and I always thought I was better than others. But in the summer before my freshman year of high school the truth was finally revealed before my eyes. I was enabled to go to my first church camp and my entire perspective of life changed permanently. At that church camp I felt Jesus seep into my heart and soul and a fire was born within me.
Unlike many people, I have been able to keep that fire aflame and am using it to proclaim the Lord's glorious and great name by putting others before myself. Anyone can declare they are a Christian, but to live what they preach is a rare virtue in people. Now that I can see the world for what it is, I challenge myself to be a better and more productive citizen in the world. At my church, I actively serve others at a new and amazing ministry called "Samelight Ministries". Every Tuesday my Christian friends and I go to a trailer park by a middle school, and we help the children that are normally neglected there through athletic activities, biblical skits and worship, all the while spreading the good news of Jesus. At school, other opportunities such as cleaning up parks, helping set up city wide charity events and collecting cans of food for the needy came to my door step.
I realize now that if I had not met Jesus, then I would not be the humbled public servant I am today. Without Jesus I would not have the joyful heart for our society that has been molded now because the path I was on was one of selfishness and not of giving. I could have been climbing the popularity polls and continuing to be the narcissistic person I was if I didn't meet my savior, but that's fortunately not what happened. Instead, Christ humbled me and a new sense of love seeped into me for other people. He changed me so dramatically, that now I can see the difference between the new and old me. I once judged people for the way they looked and believed revenge was the answer for a wrong doing, but now my eyes only see love for people and I have been humbled to understand that forgiving is the only right act when wronged. Jesus took my once hardened heart and softened it so that I would understand that we are made to love one another and to forgive others.
Jesus took me out of the "me first" mindset, and gave me a new purpose for my life. He is the most important person in my life because of this. Through his grace and overwhelming help he has changed the very purpose of my existence for the best possible route. Although I have not met him face to face, Jesus has warped my life's goal into helping others instead of only thinking of me.
Dear Gordon,
I appreciate your candor in your essay. In choosing Christ as your topic, you are no doubt aware that the essay may be read by someone who believes in Christ, or by someone who does not. While Christ is definitely the one who changes us the most (thankfully!), He is a polarizing figure and always has been. If you are not applying to a Christian college, you may want to reconsider your choice of topic. If speaking to a non-believer, they might wonder how, exactly, you felt Christ seep into your heart. Did you feel less judgmental? Did you feel more open to others, or more loving? Can you be more specific about this transformation?
I'd suggest that you tone down some of the negative portrayal of yourself (as in the discussion of how you were in 8th grade), and focus on your service and who you are now. I would eliminate the sentence, "Today there are false prophets and wolves in sheep's clothing around every corner." You can do so without losing the continuity of the essay.
Good luck!
Thank you so much for your suggestions! I most definitely understand that the person who will read my essay could possibly not be a Christian, but that's the leap of faith for my savior that i'm willing to take. Thank you for your help!
Absolutely-- a leap that we must all take, while also holding in mind how Paul approached witnessing. It is important to meet people where they are and to explain our faith in a way that they understand and can relate to. I hope that you will add some of the details that will help a non-Christian understand your change of heart. I look forward to seeing another version posted!
Well, this is definitley a much harder task than I anticipated. Making the essay flow is difficult somtimes haha.
You will do fine! Yes, these essays are harder than most students anticipate them to be.
How exactly do I update it? I have the essay, but there isn't an option
It is my first day on this forum, so I don't know. Why not just copy and paste the new version into the reply box?
Yes, it is getting better. I think that the opening paragraph could be improved by tightening up the language a bit. Are milestones "placed down", or are they "passed" in life?
Throughout our lives we will pass milestones will placed down that can define who we are. Sometimes, a milestone can be a person thatwho has helped shape our mind and day to day actions. In my case, I have blessed beyond understanding to have been introduced to the person who has changed my life. H is name is Jesus Christ. Although I have not met him face to face, Jesus has warped (another word here--transformed, maybe?) my life goal into helping others instead of only thinking of me."
I don't like that He is "warping" your life goal. Warp has a negative connotation. A more positive word would be better--transformed, etc.
Other possible changes: "Being raised in church, I knew the simplicities of what was right and wrong,"
"I was enabled to go went to my first church camp"
"Unlike many people, I have been able to keep that fire aflame . . . " (No need to be critical of others, just say that you have kept the flame alive.)
"Without Jesus I would not have the joyful heart for our society that has been molded that I have now, because the path I was on was one of selfishness and not of giving . . . "
"Through his grace and overwhelming help, "
Hope this helps!
I can't even explain to an extent how much you have helped me! Thank you so much! I might put my other essay up.
You are very welcome. I hope that others will chime in as well.
I think your love for Christ is beautiful and should be made known, but be sure that this essay is going towards a religious affiliated school, otherwise, you'll never know who's going to read your essay. Believe it or not, but people with different views can choose to not accept you based on your amazing and strong beliefs.
Thank you! And yes I do realize but I have faith in the lord. He will let it work out:)
