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'Jewish athletes' - Apply Texas: A person who has influenced you .... Aly Raisman

ablumfield 3 / 2  
Nov 21, 2012   #1
I remember watching the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. My favorite sport to watch was Women's Gymnastics. Watching the US women win gold in the team competition was inspirational. However, one gymnast stood out to me in particular Alexandra Raisman. Watching her perform such a fantastic routine to such an important and famous Jewish song enforced my pride in my heritage and religion. There are not a lot of Jewish people in the world, especially not a lot of Jewish athletes.

Raisman motivated me for the rest of the summer. Instead of spending all day at the pool or hanging out with my friends I spent more time studying and improving my overall fitness. Although I knew that I was never going to win any golden medal in the Olympics, I looked up to Aly Raisman and treated her as my rolemodel.

Aly came into the Olympics as the underdog and managed to beat out her teammates for a spot in the all around competition. The fact that she was able to accomplish even more than what was expected of her inspires me to do the same.

First and foremost, I appreciate Aly's dedication to gymnastics. There have always been times where such thoughts plagued my mind such as quitting all of my extracurricular activities, and hanging out with my friends instead of studying for a test. However, when I think about how hard Raisman works and how many hours she puts into her routines, I become instantly motivated. If she spends eight hours a day in the gym then the least I could do is spend one hour at dance practice or a half hour setting up for a bakesale for one of my clubs.

I am inspired by how she manages to integrate her Jewish heritage in everything she does. She does it in a proud manner and not a posh manner. Because of Aly and her dedication to her religion, I started to attend synagogue more and more this year.

Aly was the team captain of the "Fierce Five". Because of that I immediately knew that I wanted to try out for a leader role in my school's dance team. The night before the audition, I practiced my routine over and over again. I made it. During practices I assist in running practices and improve my team's performance.

Although I have never met Aly Raisman, her actions and her qualities have influenced me in more ways than people who I actually have met.

I realize that Aly Raisman's path and my own path are quite different. But her going to the Olympics is like me going to college, it takes quite a bit of work but the rewards that come out of it are endless. I intend to make my college experience and the rest of my life golden like Aly Raisman.
luying9682 6 / 35 6  
Nov 21, 2012   #2
Hello Ablumfield,

I think you did a good job! I can see you connect yourself with Aly Raisman in this essay, which is a point that is often ignored.

In my opinion, you might add some more about yourself in fourth and fifth paragraph: what Aly Raisman changed about you? What have you done? Can you examplify your point?

My teacher always tells me "show, don't tell". I think it might also apply to your situation.

Wish u a happy Thanksgiving!

[And if you don't mind, can you give me some suggestions on my short answers? Thanks!]
esther3095 2 / 14  
Nov 22, 2012   #3

I really like your essay and how you use her actions to show a change in yours. I would have to agree with the comment above that there is not enough of you and your change in mindset. You're also not starstruck, which is good. You also clearly show how your actions reflect all the things she has "taught" you, which is a really strong point of this essay.

[Also, if it's not too much, would you mind helping me on mine? I answered the same prompt. Thank you]

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