Please be harsh. Any comment or feedback will be appreciated. Thanks guys!!!
Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
I would like to pursue the major of Biomedical Engineering in Johns Hopkins University not only because of my personal interest in science and engineering but also under the inspiration of the responsibility I would like to take.
Last summer, I was able to go to the World Expo. What impressed me among all the sites was the Life & Sunshine Pavilion. The pavilion calls for more attention for disabled people through its various exhibitions. I managed to talk with a volunteer there who lost his arms and I was totally in a heartquake of the unbelievably strong will that he has revealed to pursue his success. He lost his arms during a terrible accident at the age of 6. He acted out his feelings of inferiority by trying to have a normal handwriting using his feet. He made it; however, people and kids around him didn't recognize his effort and always made fun of him. He was not discouraged; instead he worked on playing the piano with his feet, which makes him a well-known pianist now. I suppose he is one of the few examples who become successful in spite of the disability. The disabled people all have a heart desiring success, but they are just not called enough attention for, especially in China. I have seen a lot of them being homeless in my area. It is not their fault. We are responsible to make it a better life to the disabled. Actions shall be taken to improve their life condition, among which I think the most fundamental and effective way is to simply remove the difference between the normal and the disabled people, like the function of deaf aid and artificial limbs. However, so far as I know, few people are interested in this area in China. So I feel like taking the responsibility of developing new technology of the medical devices that can help the disabled people and applying it so that hopefully more of them can benefit from it thus have a better chance to realize their dreams. And I surprising find out that Biomedical Engineering cover this part of technology. With Johns Hopkins' prestigious Biomedical Engineering program, I will be able to attend lectures given by top professors who are the most advanced in their own areas and make full use of decent laboratory facilities to help me achieve my goal and tackle problems in the biomedical area.
If you want me to be truly harsh, I would say... rewrite the whole thing. I will explain why: the first half of the essay about Liu Wei does not reveal anything about you. Unless you are Liu Wei himself, it is a waste of 150 words. Instead, talk about how this experienced affected YOU, and WHY that experience made you want to study BME. Also, you have not mentioned anything unique about JHU's BME program - why not choose BME at Duke? Or UPenn? Please give specifics - that's what they are looking for. So overall, I think this needs some work. But you still have time!
iceui2
Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.
I don't think the topic indicates that I need to write anything about why I choose JHU. So I am not sure whether I should write that part.
It is implied. Just an FYI, that's how they weed out applicants. Those who mentions specifics are favored.
it sounds pretty good overall--I'm going into the same major
it's such an exciting and growing field, the possibilities are truly endless
Thanks guys! I will add the "why JHU" part in it.
