This is my response to Stanford's second prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. 2000 Characters available, at least 250 words.
Please give me some feedback! Anything I can change to improve it? I'm a little over the limit with characters. I have 2,939 (with spaces). Also, for any writing responses with character limits, are spaces always counted? Thanks so much!
Dear Roomie,
I'm looking forward to meeting you! I have two brothers back home but always had my own room because I'm the only girl. Making this our little home should be fun though! However, I suppose you want to know a thing or two about this stranger you'll be living with, just to tranquilize some typical freshman anxieties.
First things first, my name is Melissa Jue and you can rest assured that I'm not a rapist or killer or any of those characters on Criminal Minds. Therefore, there's no need for background checks, even if you do catch me watching movies like "The Crazies" or chuckling quietly on the computer in the middle of the night- I'll probably just be on YouTube or engaged in some novel. In all honesty, I'm less of a maniac and more of a Mellow Melly, except in those times when I boil over with the energy of a child on a sugar rush at an amusement park with balloon bouquets everywhere. If you love to socialize and have insightful or even pointless conversations at ungodly hours, then my outgoing, owl nature will benefit us both. However, if garrulous vampires annoy you, then you don't need to panic either because I'll usually be studying or doing homework. I've always been a bookworm that unfortunately can only feed independently in silence. That may be our only problem.
Otherwise, nearly everyone likes music and music will always be my soul mate. On top of that, I'm eclectic so I'm sure we'll agree on at least one genre. If you fancy karaoke, let's do a duet. Want to relax to soothing piano compositions? I'll make the keyboard sing. Have you ever wanted a portrait of yourself? I can be your artist, although I can't guarantee an absolute likeness. But if there's anything I'm up for at any time, it's adventure. Whenever you want to explore, I'm your Dora, only I don't fluently speak Spanish or talk to inanimate objects-in front of people, anyway.
I may also be one of the weirder nerds you'll have met in your lifetime. I've been lugging around a turtle shell housing papers and books since elementary and thus carry it now as if it weighed a measly two pounds. But don't let that intimidate you. In addition, I've more allergies than most people and I'm a failure at video games. At the same time, I headbang to some death metal, am a cross country runner, and love outdoor activities.
Thus, there's no need to worry, friend. We're bound to stand on some common ground. I don't play Judge Judy and I can be your Doctor Phil-lis. If you have a situation, I'll help you out and it'd be wonderful if you'd do the same for me. I hope you're as excited as I am. See you soon!
P.S. If I look dead one morning in the chair with mouth open wide and white, zombie eyes, relax. That's just how I sleep. You may also have the urge to dial 911 because your roommate is having an asthma attack. Calm down, I'm not. I'm just laughing, extending rather than shortening my life.
owl
nocturnal?
and
but
I have two brothers back home but always had my own room because I'm the only girl.
,
i think you can do without this sentence since you're over the word limit
First things first, my name is Melissa Jue and you can rest assured that I'm not a rapist or killer or any of those characters on Criminal Minds. Therefore, there's no need for background checks, even if you do catch me watching movies like "The Crazies" or chuckling quietly on the computer in the middle of the night- I'll probably just be on YouTube or engaged in some novel.
a little bit strange to start off with, maybe try stating it a little differently..thats just my opinion
Otherwise i like it! its good and quirky and it definitely radiates of your personality
can you please read my stanford ones too? thanks! :)
This is a great essay that really lets your personality and voice shine through, I didn't spot any grammar mistakes, and I like all the examples you provided. My only suggestion would be specifying a particular YouTube video and a particular novel in the second paragraph, it's just another chance to show your uniqueness.
For the characters issue, I think spaces are usually counted ): I don't know if this essay is an upload, but if it's not and it offers the chance to paste it, then I would suggest pasting it in and seeing what the character count at the bottom says.
If this does result in you needing to cut down, I think that the beginning could be shortened a bit since its the only part that doesn't really tell too much about YOU. It does need some introduction, but it could probably be done in a sentence, rather than three.
oh and if you could take a look at mine too that'd be great, i know its a little long but i could really use some suggestions, even if you only have time to take a quick glance
