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skier95 2 / 3  
Dec 23, 2012   #1
I'm applying to Wharton as a primary choice, followed by Brown, Cornell, Stern and some others.
The Character count is exactly 1,000 =)
Here's my short answer:

People leap like apes from one shelf to another, while others stand in their designated spot pretending to dance like hormone-fueled teenagers. It's not a typical work atmosphere; it's dark, house music roars, while sweet, artificial scents diffuse across the shop floor. Like most other colleagues I count down the minutes until I can leave this mad house. Nevertheless, as I leave after each shift, a part of me always impatiently awaits my return. It's not the wage, it's not the discounts, it's something so brilliant, it cannot be quantified.

Despite the barbaric nature of the environment at Hollister, we always find a way to work in harmony. Whether I work on the bustling shop floor, or in the vast underground network of the stock rooms, the interpersonal skills I develop through handling impatient customers while collaborating with colleagues made every minute of my job worthwhile. The invaluable skills I have learnt will encourage my integration in whatever community I am yet to join.
lulwut 5 / 26 1  
Dec 23, 2012   #2
"Skills" in the second paragraph is used twice in a row. Switch one to, "lessons," or another synonym.

Maybe in the first paragraph you should consider talking more about the skills you gained and used. I know you're already at your character limit, but I'm sure you wouldn't have trouble finding a sentence to remove while keeping the same meaning.

Grammar all looks good, and the topic seems good too, so that's all I've got. Look at my Babson supplement, if you can.

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