It is not necessary to research, read, or refer to the texts from which these quotations are taken; we are looking for original, personal responses to these short excerpts. Remember that your essay should be personal in nature and not simply an argumentative essay. (300 words)
"Stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior."
Elizabeth Aries, Professor of Psychology, Amherst College
"All jocks are stupid" is a common stereotype. In reality, some jocks are stupid and some aren't. For example, my friend Jack is one the most highly recruited football players in the country. He is a 6'4" African-American lightening-bolt of an athlete and attends a high school where academic achievements are highly touted. He is a smart, well-spoken individual. But since the scholarship offers came rolling in, Jack has been cutting corners on homework and not studying for tests because he no longer needs to do well academically to get into many of these schools. His academic achievement is being undermined because he is allowing himself to be enamored by the stroking he is receiving from college football coaches all over the country, especially from schools who are known more for their success on the football field then for their stellar academic standards. So already, stereotyped beliefs have impacted Jack's behavior. But if he chooses a school for its football program and not for its strong academic reputation, does this mean that his decision will result in a lifetime void of personal and professional success? What if he goes on to play in the NFL and makes millions of dollars? At the end of jack's journey, will he just be a dumb jock who did not live up to his full intellectual potential? Or will he have used the system knowingly and cunningly to his ultimate benefit? For Jack, whether or not the statement "stereotyped beliefs have the power to become self-fulfilling prophesies for behavior" proves to be true will depend on his actions over time and the final outcome will be difficult to qualify. But for now, as an 18 year old high school senior, he definitely is acting like the dumb jock many people believe him to be.
Warning: my understanding of English is fluid instead of mechanical.
"All jocks are stupid" is a common stereotype.
This bugs me because stereotypes are widely held beliefs and redundancy is annoying.(I have to add humor.)
In reality, some jocks are stupid and some aren't.
I would say something like, 'My friend Jack was, at first glance, an obvious exception to this unfair generality. As a highly sought-after football player...
He is a 6'4" African-American lightening-bolt of an athlete and attends a high school where academic achievements are highly touted.
Perhaps say "He is a smart and soft-spoken 6'4"..." Moreover, I would use 'respected' instead of 'highly touted.'
especially from schools who are known more for their success on the football field then for their stellar academic standards.
"especially from schools known more for their success on the field than for their stellar academic standards" Note: Than instead of then...
But if he chooses a school for its football program and not for its strong academic reputation, does this mean that his decision will result in a lifetime void of personal and professional success?
Starting a sentence with "but" once can be tasteful, but this and the next occurrence are two too many.
At the end of jack's journey, will he just be a dumb jock who did not live up to his full intellectual potential?
I'd make sure to capitalize Jack's first name here. Instead of positing he could be a dumb jock, why not say something along the lines of, "will he squander his intellectual potential"?For the end, you can say that he 'now appears to be the dumb jock...'
Dan, the prompt says they want a personal response instead of just an argumentative essay. Have you been personal enough? I felt not. I know a lot about Jack now, but I haven't got to know a lot about you after reading that.
And you have asked a lot of questions but haven't answered them yourself. I don't think admissions officers will appreciate such rhetoric!
And you should certainly divide the essay into several different paragraphs.
