ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
"John Hancock Center, Willis Tower ..." I exclaimed in awe, staring at the magnificent skyline of Chicago from a plane nine years ago. Breathtaking and structurally brilliant, they appeared to me as giant, majestic creatures, looming over, shimmering with brilliantly lit lights. That day, I had a dream: design a skyscraper and furnish my fanciful spirits to icy structures.
Since then, I have been working hard to achieve my dream. I chose the toughest subjects at school. Within my spare time, my greatest hobby was to draw different skyscraper sketches and create unique models using my set of Legos. In the process of drawing and making, I gained hands-on experience and learned to be patient when I struggled to create the skyscrapers that I like. Furthermore, I proactively founded the speech club during freshman year in high school because I realized the importance of interaction and communication skills required by the engineering field. All these things nurtured the passion for civil engineering in me.
With the help of my cousin, who is a successful civil engineer in Shanghai, China, I was honored to attend a very selective intern program for a 10th grade student at a construction company. The project was to build an animated version of a fully functioning building on a computer first, then to build a prototype based on the animation. The processes of taking accurate measurements and testing designs to achieve the optimized building are fascinating. As I worked with other professional civil engineers in a job setting, I began to value teamwork across design disciplines. I also realized that designing a skyscraper is a precise art against the gravity, and even a potential small chance of catastrophic failure is unacceptable. With a great shortage of qualified engineers in China where huge projects are going on without appropriate safety regulation, the collapses of buildings are not merely something local, but rather a huge national problem; therefore, the job prospect in China for a civil engineer is fantastic. I strongly believe the civil engineering program at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign will empower me in learning how to ameliorate skyscraper safety and make my country a better place.
ESSAY 2: Additional information essay
"Bump-", the shuttlecock made an elegant trajectory as it flew beyond the net and landed on the other side. The crowd audiences burst into cheers, congratulating my team afor winning the badminton state championship. Our team members, all exhausted after a 2-hour rival, hugged with each other with joyful tears on our faces. Badminton is an inseparable part of my life. I have been play badminton since I was six, and I have dedicated two years on my high school's badminton team as the captain. I have experienced notable victories and great losses. Yet I savor the freedom to race back in to every game with renewed passion and determination. This sport has taught me the importance of teamwork. As a core member on the team, I have committed to helping team members with techniques while listening to others' advice for improvement. Through excruciating practices and rivals, I have learned to focus on my goal ambitiously while respecting my opponents and the referees. I have also become self-disciplined and have learned to arrange time properly for badminton, academics, and other various activities including debate club, math team and student councils. Most importantly, I have realized that nothing is freely given and that in my future endeavors I have to work diligently to earn the success to which I aspire.
Any help is urgently needed!!! Thankyou and happy holidays. :)
bump please help me :(
bump... anyone??? i will read yours back
bumping
I really like your first essay, it definitely shows how much you love civil engineering.
In your second essay, you write I have been play badminton...Fix please
thankyou for the help:)
John Hancock Center, Willis Tower ..." I exclaimed in awe, staring at the magnificent skyline of Chicago from a plane nine years ago. Breathtaking and structurally brilliant, they appeared to me as giant, majestic creatures, looming over, shimmering with brilliantly lit lights. That day, I had a dream: design a skyscraper and furnish my fanciful spirits to icy structures.don't understand this part
Since then, I have been working hard to achieve my dream. I chose the toughest subjects at school.Short sentence here doesn't work with the flow Within my spare time, my greatest hobby was to draw different skyscraper sketches and create unique models using my set of Legos. In the process of drawing and making, I gained hands-on experience and learned to be patient when I struggled to create the skyscrapers that I liked . Furthermore, I proactively founded the speech club during freshman year in high school because I realized the importance of interaction and communication skills required by the engineering field. All these things nurtured the passion for civil engineering in me.
With the help of my cousin, who is a successful civil engineer in Shanghai, China, I was honored to attend a very selective intern program for a 10th grade student at a construction company. The project was to build an animated version of a fully functioning building on a computer first, then to build a prototype based on the animation. The processes of taking accurate measurements and testing designs to achieve the optimized building was fascinating. As I worked with other professional civil engineers in a job setting, I began to value teamwork across design disciplines. I also realized that designing a skyscraper is a precise art against the gravity, and even a potentially small chance of (omit catastrophic) failure is unacceptable. With a great shortage of qualified engineers in China where huge projects are going on without appropriate safety regulation, the collapses of buildings are not merely something local, but rather a huge national problem; therefore, the job prospect in China for a civil engineer is fantastic. I strongly believe the civil engineering program at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign will empower me in learning how to ameliorate skyscraper safety and make my country a better place. nice conclusion, "a better place" is vague though.
ESSAY 2: Additional information essay
"Bump-", the shuttlecock made an elegant trajectory as it flew beyond the net and landed on the other side. The crowd audiences burst into cheers, congratulating my team afor winning the badminton state championship. Our team members, all exhausted after a 2-hour rival , hugged with each other with joyful tears on our faces. Badminton is an inseparable part of my life. I have been play badminton since I was six, and I have dedicated two years on my high school's badminton team as the captain. I have experienced notable victories as well as great losses. Yet I savor the freedom to race back in to every game with renewed passion and determination. This sport has taught me the importance of teamwork. As a core member on the team, I have committed to advising team members with techniques while listening to others' advice for improvement. Through excruciating practices and rivals , I have learned to focus on my goal ambitiously while respecting my opponents and the referees. I have also become self-disciplined and have learned to arrange time properly for badminton, academics, and other various activities including debate club, math team and student councils. Most importantly, I have realized that nothing is freely given and that in my future endeavors I have to work diligently to earn the success to which I aspire. Interesting way to conclude it
Work on: have vs. had.
