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Johns Hopkins Supplement- Why I chose undecided major in engineering


FarhanWasim 2 / 7  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
The prompt was:
"1. Write a brief essay in which you respond to the following question.
(freshman applicants only): Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)"

I believe that it is essential to pursue a subject in which one not only has the aptitude to excel but also finds a natural interest. For myself, I find that engineering is a field that serves both purposes.

It is fascinating to explore the technical properties of our surroundings and the internal mechanism of the devices we use every day. As physics deals with the rudimentary mechanics of the world, I have found physics and mathematics significantly more interesting than any other subject from a young age. These subjects pose everyday questions which can be solved through logical deduction, and I find the application of theoretical knowledge to understand the world around me to be intensely engaging. Physics is a subject which helps me understand the world around me. From the rolling of a ball to the mechanism of a motor, there was not a single topic that I could not relate to. This ability to explain the world around me in basic and simple terms, to the point of breaking down nature to mathematics, has appealed to me greatly. Understanding physics have given me a new perspective of the world around me. Thus I want to study a subject and pursue a career in a subject which deals with a branch of applied physics and mathematics.

I was never satisfied with gaining knowledge from books and locking it up in my head. I have always been keen to find the practical application of the laws and principles postulated by physics. This accounts for my interest in engineering. After all, engineers are people who put the knowledge of physics into practical applications by solving daily problems and innovating new devices to make life easier. That is the person I aspire to be, to use my knowledge and apply it to make the lives of other people just a little bit easier. Furthermore, my good grades in O-level and A-level mathematics, physics and chemistry have given me the confidence to choose engineering as the subject for further studies.

I have always been a dreamer and a patriotic person. Coming from a third world country, I have always dreamed my country to be a developed country with better infrastructure, with electricity and water supplies at every home. I feel helpless when I see a eighty year old man, barely able to walk crossing a stream in waist high water due to lack of bridge. I wonder when the countryside of my country will be illuminated with electric supplies. I wonder when the school children of my countryside of my age will encounter the most fast and efficient form of communication: Internet. I wonder when my dreams of a developed Bangladesh will come true. I believe knowledge of science is the biggest tool for development and engineers are the key persons to make use of that tool. There are limitless possibilities for engineers in my country. That is why, for now, I want to explore this fascinating subject which will help me realize my dreams and keep the task of choosing a specific major for future.

Pls guys give comments. Harsh criticisms and editings are welcome. I know this is one of the poorest essays u will ever see. Thanx.
ziyad_ziyad 3 / 8  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
I am sorry but what kind of wirting is that ,, is it academic or what ...
OP FarhanWasim 2 / 7  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
What do u mean? I tried to show my passion for physics and maths and why i chose engineering as my preferred major. What's wrong? Please be more specific in identifying my flaws.

Thank You.
garfunkel129 5 / 18  
Dec 31, 2009   #4
there was not a single topic that I could not relate to.

Because you were using the present tense just before, use "is" rather than "was." Or, explain that this was a class you took a while ago.

to the point of breaking down nature to mathematics, has appealed to me greatly.

"appeals" rather than "has appealed"

Understanding physics have given me a new perspective of the world around me.

"has," not "have"

I was never satisfied with gaining knowledge from books and locking it up in my head. I have always been keen to find the practical application of the laws and principles postulated by physics.

I feel like you can merge these into one, more effective sentence. Perhaps change the first sentence to a dependent clause: "Never satisfied with simple book-learning, I have always..."

in O-level and A-level mathematics, physics and chemistry

You don't really need a comma after "physics," but I recommend it. I like those Oxford commas =)

to choose engineering as the subject for further studies

This sounds a little awkward. Maybe say "as my major," or "for further close study."

I have always been a dreamer and a patriotic person.

I feel like you use this structure a lot: "I have always been" or "I have never been." Maybe just say "I am"?

I feel helpless when I see a eighty year old man, barely able to walk crossing a stream

"an" instead of "a" and "across" instead of "crossing"

I wonder when the countryside of my country will be illuminated with electric supplies.

"country" is a little redundant here. Maybe substitute "hills" or "plains" for "countryside"?

I wonder when the school children of my countryside of my age will encounter the most fast and efficient form of communication: Internet

"fastest and most efficient." Also, there's another "countryside" you could change. Or, you can omit it altogether because we know you're talking about your country here.

I believe knowledge of science is the biggest tool for development and engineers are the key persons to make use of that tool.

Since you're using a lot of independent clauses before then, I would change this to a dependent clause followed by an independent clause. Or (since it's already a fantastic sentence), you could add a sentence before that that isn't simply an independent clause.

choosing a specific major for the future.

This is better than you think =) It answers the question, it's straightforward, and it explains your ideas very well. I hope you get in!


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